Imagine my chagrin....

I want to blog.  Honest to socks, I do.  I promise.  But summer semester starts tomorrow.  I logged into Blackboard today to check the syllabus for one of my classes.  And what do you think I found? Hmmm... It's okay.  I'll wait.

I found that my online class already has the first test posted.  So instead of writing a real post, I will be reading.

Don't miss me too much.

Adventures in *Side Eye* o_O

Preface:  I know I am usually hard pressed to post twice in one week, much less in one day, but there must be an exception to every rule, so read on!
Sometimes I comb Google Images for images for my blogs.  Every now and then, I come across some gems. Today I was merely looking for funny facial expressions to use as punctuation for future foolery.  You know, examples of the *side eye*, the *blank stare*, and the *WTF face*.


For a while now, it has been accepted as gospel that Lady Cameroon is the penultimate example of  *side eye* perfection. 

But as I searched today..... well I found some *side eyes* that both impressed and confused me.

Let's begin with the impressive...

She may be adopted, but when it comes to the *side eye*, perhaps nurture outweighs nature?

                 

Zahara picked up that ground levelling *side eye* somewhere, did she not?  Angelina, you taught her well. Kudos to you!!!
But, ummm, let's address that thumb sucking thing Miss Shiloh is rockin'.... mama still has work to do!

Now, how about a mama who has guided both of her girls well into 

The Way of The Side Eye....

I   don't givvadamb if you like the president's politics or not.

I don't care who says what....

Michelle Obama's Side Eye gives me Life!!  

Michelle Obama's Side Eye says more than the entire contents of Wikipedia!

I aspire to the Side Eye Mastery she posesses.  And the girls are obviously on their way to Side Eye greatness!

My one (true) male representative in the Side Eye Gallery of Greatness is the late legendary Bernie Mac.  Tell me this Side Eye isn't fierce...

Ouch!! You can almost feel the heat off that one!!

Now.... I have another Side Eye that can technically be called male, but c'mon, shim's too MUCH to fall into one category.  Ladies and Gentlemen, I present the Side Eye Greatness that is.... RuPaul!!!

You Betta WORK!!!!

And while we're on the subject of Shim's Fierceness.... this next image just made me cackle for no good reason whatsoever.

The next two entries are the Anonymous but Awesome Side Eyes of Fury.

I wanna know who trained these young ladies, because by the time they're grown, their Side Eye Game will have reached epic proportions of lethality!  

And finally, the image I found confusing...

I'll tell ya how to find it.  Go to Google Images, search the term side eye.  Scroll to the bottom and click on page 9.  Again scroll down, and on the bottom left corner, you find this:

Miss NaturallyAlise herself!!

Now, believe me when I say, Alise is in posession of a Grand Champion Side Eye.

But people.... this is sooooooo not it!!!

This is a picture of Alise lookin' all sweet, smiling (don't let it fool ya) with her hairhat looking all emollient and whatnot.

This is Alise in all her pretty, poetic glory.

No Side Eye Here.

---------none.

Which made me make this face:

Edit:  Alise got at me on Google Chat, and being the incredible friend that she is, provided me with a link to a pic of her on TwitPic that shows her in all of her Side Eye Grandeur....

Behold!! The Side Eye of Death!

That's right! It's piercing, sharp, relentless! Be Amazed!!

So, who do you think is giving the Fiercest Side Eye of them all?  Discuss amongst yourself n allathatthere.


If you think you have a contender for Fiercest Side Eye in the History of Ever,
send 'em in to amymay117@gmail.com

McDonald's Drive Thru and High People Do Not Mix

So yesterday, I'm headed to work.  I work evenings now, so it's about 1pm.  I decide to stop at MickeyD's for a quick bite that I can eat on the way.  Yeah....

Problem with that plan is the silver Toyota in front of me.  I can see that there are four people in the car. It was a nice day in the cornfield, so my window was down.  The Toyota pulls up to the speaker, and the chick driving starts ordering.  Then she starts giggling like an idiot at something (??).  Then a white Chevy pulls up in the parking lot along side the passenger side of the Toyota.


At that point, I realize this is gonna be an ordeal.

So Giggle Girl is ordering half the menu.  Driver of the Chevy is out of her car, leaning in the passenger window of the Toyota, handing someone some money.  Driver gets back in the Chevy and leaves.  I hear Giggle Girl say "Ummm.... yeah.... and a large fry and that's it I think."  So I'm now thinking, maybe this won't be so bad.

But no.

The Toyota pulls up about 18 inches, and a white boy with dreds (this is one of my all time biggest pet peeves, btw!) proceeds to lean out the back driver side window, and begin his own monumental munchie order...

*sigh*

I am deeply regretting the choice I made to pull into this drive thru.  And the sad part is, it's one of those that is bordered by a concrete barrier on one side and the building on the other.... so I'm trapped like a rat.
Then I hear Dred Boy say the following, "Okay, on my second order...." followed by more hysterical laughter from inside the car.


By this time, I have decided in my judgemental mind realized  "These jokers are high as a mug..."

So the ordering phase is over for the Toyota, and they pull away from the speaker.  I pull up, give my 5 second order--coz I'm in my right mind, know what I wanna order, and have places to go dammit--and pull up.  All acceptable drive thru etiquette, thankyouverymuch!

And what do you think I see??

If you said the heffa driving the Chevy being handed food out the front passenger window of the Toyota, you get a gold star with a handful of glitter!  That's right, the Chevy hadn't left... just drove around to the other side of the building, parked, and waited on the Toyota to reach the window.

WTF??? Who does this? How the hell you gonna be too lazy to order and pick up your own damn food in a drive thru?  Did it not take more effort to get out the car and retrieve your isht from the other car than it would to have ordered and driven thru to get it yourself?  I dunno... maybe heffa's gas was on E or somethin'... but it didn't make sense to me!

When I finally reach the window, I have the most irritated, puzzled look on my face.  I know this because the chick who hands me my food says, "Yeah... I don't get it either... Have a nice day, and come back again."

Moral of the story....

If you're high, GO IN to order.  If you get trapped behind high people in the drive thru, be prepared to wait, and don't try to make things make sense.

In the immortal words of Jeff Spicoli  "People on 'ludes should NOT drive!!"

WTF?

Well, originally, I was gonna compose a succinct, witty.... nay, pithy!... account of the family antics of the last week. But I lack the mental endurance to relive those precious moments (watch out, y'all... sarcasm drippin' all over the place. You don't wanna slip...)

So, instead, I'm delivering up snippets of stuff I have heard over the last week that has caused a permanent furrow in my forehead.

"Don't worry about anything, I have your weekend planned," my aunt.

"Marc's not here. He'll be my dad when he marries my mom," my son to his teacher at open house.

"Oh, look... whose little colored child?" random distant relative at my uncle's memorial service.

"Wow, those hotdogs look good," same person as above, regarding some boiled hotdogs at the luncheon after.

"You can't leave now, we're going to play pinochle," again, my aunt. I have never in my life played pinochle... that was my mom. She's dead, thanks.

"Mom, can I have a cup of coffee?" Riiiiiight, Eli. I'm not fallin' for that one. I know better than to caffeinate a six-year-old.

Yeah, it's been that kind of week.

There Are No Hurricanes in Cornfields!!

So this past Friday, my lil area of Cornfield was greatly disturbed by one mad bastard of a storm.  I was at work at the time.  My focus was on getting people into halls and away from windows and doors, so I hafta admit, I wasn't really paying all that much attention to the debris and detritus flying past the windows of the hospital. But it definitely tore shyt up! 

What has caught my attention in the aftermath is the debate over what to call the whole phenomenon.  I should enjoy this debate, because I love words, but it's got me pretty close to unhinged.  Let's start with the first term... coz this is the one that does it!

Inland Hurricane.... to me, this is an oxymoron.  It can only be an INLAND hurricane, you see, if it started out as a hurricane hurricane.  But as far as I know, no hurricanes have ever developed over the Mississippi River, or any of the bazillion man-made, Army Corps of Engineers lakes around here for that matter.  I'm pretty sure it takes a body of water larger than a duck pond to start one of these muthas up.  Granted, the storm cell behaved like a hurricane, but a true hurricane develops over a body of water.  I am in a CORNFIELD, east of the Mississippi, north of the Ohio, and west of Indiana....  NO large bodies of water in sight, ergo, no hurricane. Nah....

Now, the other two terms... never heard 'em before this week.  Derecho Storm and Mesocyclone. Sounds kinda cool.  Also sounds like somebody's making shyt up.  Not that they are... just sounds like it.  Which is fine.  I am a HUGE fan of made up words.  I send people to the OR at work all the time to get "surgerized."  My friend Dana is currently "pregnificated."  Mesocyclone just sounds like something I'd pull out of my bag of nonsense.  What lil bit of research I have done seems to indicate that it's an accurate term.  That doesn't mean it's stopped amusing me, tho!

But back to my original thought, NOT a hurricane.  No, no, no, no, no!!!  Not just coz of the semantics of the definition, either.  Because it messes with my sense of reality!  No hurricanes in the cornfield! Period.  They are not allowed.  We have enough shyt on our list of potential things to get screwed up.  For example: Tornados (our storm of choice, thank you!), Ice/Sleet/Snow combo, Floods, Field Fires, Heatwaves, Winter Cold Advisorys, Droughts, Thunderstorms, hell, even Earthquakes....  No Hurricanes, dammit!  That's a beach thing! An ocean thing! Not a Cornfield thing!  

So there you have it, I have declared the whole hurricane business to be bullshyt.  We'll go with Mesocyclone, if we must.  I'll add it to the above list of random crap Mother Nature can toss at us on her whim, but again...  don't try n tell me this shyt was a hurricane! 

*exits, muttering, "next gonna be tellin me my attic's in the basement.....hurricane my azzz!" slams door*