Not as long as I'm your Mamma!

There is a certain challenge to raising a bi-racial child in any community.  Our little acres in the Cornfield are pretty much no exception to that.  There is no denying, though, that my 6yr old has been raised around more white folks than black folks, simply because his "father" and his family made a choice not to be part of Elijah's life pretty much from jump.  He has one aunt and a great-grandfather on that side who see him when they feel like it.  But I'm not trynna get into the whole absentee daddy debate with this post.  What I'm talkin' bout today is foolishness, grills, buffoonery and stereotypes and how the heck you explain that to a kid.  Especially to one whose exposure to positive role models from half of his cultural heritage is lacking.  This is my fault, and I know it, and I promise, I'm working on changing that.  But back to the matter at hand....

It all starts with the gumball machines at the doggone China Buffet.  There is boollsheet and junk of every description in those machines.  Temporary tattoos, miniature animals, bouncy balls, stickers, even some gum (yeah, I kno, right!). But the one that is perpetually the bane of my existence is the machine with all the cheap, cheezy, plastic "bling!"  My optimal solution would just be don't give the child any change for the machines.  Which would work except for one thing:  Mai Zhi.  She's the hostess/co-owner of the place.  She loves my kid.  She fixes his plate, sits by him in the booth and gives him all the attention the lil playa could want... and the worst part is... she lets him take quarters out of the register for the dang machines! I've tried to talk to her about this, but there's a definite language barrier exacerbated by her apparent ultra-sensitive vulnerability to the boy's puppy eyes.  *He makes cute puppy eyes, but I been and got immune to those jawns!*   So, the chick continues to make it rain on my boy...  

Well, one day, outta the dreaded "bling" machine, drops a fake "platinum" grill.  Uh-oh.  He's seen just enough of Lil Jon, Plies and Weezy to associate metal teeth with the beats he likes so much.  I won't front, if I don't have to listen to what Lil Jon is yellin' about or look at him, the music is arrite.  But the point is, I don't want my son equating grills, pimp cups, bedazzled shades and buffoonery with the epitome of cool.  I'm just not havin' it!  My child will not look like a middle ground between T-Pain and Paul Wall!  He will not be the place where Bubba Sparxx meets Plies! NO! I say, NO!  

So I start thinking, I'mma try explaining to the child why that ish just isn't the hotness.... But he counters with the whole, "I thought you liked hip hop, Mamma," thing.  Which leads to the need to give a crash course on hip hop vs hype.  Fail.  So then I start trying to explain stereotypes. FailFail.  And he must be just tooooooo sheltered, because he seemed genuinely amazed at the whole concept of racism.  FailFailFail.  

I Tweeted about my dilemma and @internalquest lol'd me and told me to let it go, coz the boy just won't get it.  I won't be able to circumvent the Master Teacher, Professor Experience.  I was gettn nowhere, dropping it was my last viable option.  So that's what I did.... for now.  But I also threw the damn "grill" in the trash. 

And like I told @internalquest, if the child comes up in my house one of these days lookin like a miniature, light skinned YingYang Twin, I'm fittna revoke his birth certificate!

Hey, it's serious talk time again, kids!

So, some of you know where this post is going already...  It's time to talk about HIV/AIDS again.  

I like to pretend sometimes that more than five people read my blog.  Therefore, I'm gonna give some information to you like it's gonna reach people who need to have it.  

My area of the cornfield is pretty rural and remote.  The nearest "big" city is St. Louis, MO.  Other than that, our big attraction is Southern Illinois University (Go Salukis!).  That's not to say that we're completely back-ass-wards, but hey.... our resources are sometimes hard to find.

This is a link to the Southern Illinois HIV Consortium.  It actually functions, I believe, under the umbrella of the Jackson County Health Department.  I know it services the South 19 counties of Illinois.  Among the services offered are testing, counselling, treatment adherence support, education and awareness programs.  I don't have permission to quote their mission goals, but let me just say that they are committed to helping those who have HIV live full and satisfying lives.  They offer programs encompassing both medical and social services.

Next, here's some information on an upcoming date.  National HIV Testing Day is coming up June 17.  I would love it if everyone who reads this post would encourage folks to get tested and know their status.  Having said this, I can hear the grumbling already! "I don't know anyone in a high risk group.  I don't want to get into other people's business." Blahblahblahblahblah!

Let me ask a few questions.....

Have you ever had even the slightest suspicion of your partner's fidelity?  Have you ever gotten "caught up" in the moment?  Are you sure your partner never had high risk sex or used injectable drugs before you hooked up?  Are you SURE?

Get tested!  Know your status! Know your partner's status!

Finally, I am still championing The Red Pump Project, and in fact, am the Ambassador for the Cornfield and surrounding area.  I would love my local chicas to get behind this project, too.  We could do some girls' nite out kinda stuff and promote education, prevention and awareness at the same time!  Check out the website and get involved.  Shoot me ideas about events and activities we could get behind!  I'd love to hear from you!  Hit me up on my e-mail amymay117@gmail.com

There Are No Hurricanes in Cornfields!!

So this past Friday, my lil area of Cornfield was greatly disturbed by one mad bastard of a storm.  I was at work at the time.  My focus was on getting people into halls and away from windows and doors, so I hafta admit, I wasn't really paying all that much attention to the debris and detritus flying past the windows of the hospital. But it definitely tore shyt up! 

What has caught my attention in the aftermath is the debate over what to call the whole phenomenon.  I should enjoy this debate, because I love words, but it's got me pretty close to unhinged.  Let's start with the first term... coz this is the one that does it!

Inland Hurricane.... to me, this is an oxymoron.  It can only be an INLAND hurricane, you see, if it started out as a hurricane hurricane.  But as far as I know, no hurricanes have ever developed over the Mississippi River, or any of the bazillion man-made, Army Corps of Engineers lakes around here for that matter.  I'm pretty sure it takes a body of water larger than a duck pond to start one of these muthas up.  Granted, the storm cell behaved like a hurricane, but a true hurricane develops over a body of water.  I am in a CORNFIELD, east of the Mississippi, north of the Ohio, and west of Indiana....  NO large bodies of water in sight, ergo, no hurricane. Nah....

Now, the other two terms... never heard 'em before this week.  Derecho Storm and Mesocyclone. Sounds kinda cool.  Also sounds like somebody's making shyt up.  Not that they are... just sounds like it.  Which is fine.  I am a HUGE fan of made up words.  I send people to the OR at work all the time to get "surgerized."  My friend Dana is currently "pregnificated."  Mesocyclone just sounds like something I'd pull out of my bag of nonsense.  What lil bit of research I have done seems to indicate that it's an accurate term.  That doesn't mean it's stopped amusing me, tho!

But back to my original thought, NOT a hurricane.  No, no, no, no, no!!!  Not just coz of the semantics of the definition, either.  Because it messes with my sense of reality!  No hurricanes in the cornfield! Period.  They are not allowed.  We have enough shyt on our list of potential things to get screwed up.  For example: Tornados (our storm of choice, thank you!), Ice/Sleet/Snow combo, Floods, Field Fires, Heatwaves, Winter Cold Advisorys, Droughts, Thunderstorms, hell, even Earthquakes....  No Hurricanes, dammit!  That's a beach thing! An ocean thing! Not a Cornfield thing!  

So there you have it, I have declared the whole hurricane business to be bullshyt.  We'll go with Mesocyclone, if we must.  I'll add it to the above list of random crap Mother Nature can toss at us on her whim, but again...  don't try n tell me this shyt was a hurricane! 

*exits, muttering, "next gonna be tellin me my attic's in the basement.....hurricane my azzz!" slams door*