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random and pressing details: 08/01/2009 - 09/01/2009

Friday, August 28, 2009

Yeah... I suck. What's new?

I owe y'all a post, and I promise one is forthcoming. I just been busy... Doin' stuff n whatnot.

But I swear on Beyonce's lacefront, I will write a good post and very soon. I have a whole mess of material from my foray into the realm of nursing instructor.

In the mean time.... enjoy this bullshiggity....

Sunday, August 23, 2009

C'mon, people... it's the freakin' INTERNET!!

**see my note below the post

So I ran across this story about a blogger who called a model a skank. We are gonna forget for a minute that the model might be a whatever and the blogger is probably "one to talk." That's semantics.... We aren't gonna debate the morals and maturity of name calling. We aren't even going to talk about the First Amendment Issues swarming this story (Google gave her up after served a court order).

We are gonna talk common sense here for a hot second. Something which seems to be missing from the whole tale.

Let us begin with this premise, the internet is world wide. Now let us build on that, millions and millions of people have internet access at any given moment in time. Our next building block, once you put something out into the web, you just really can't get it back. And finally, most bloggers I know don't blog with the intention of others NOT reading their posts. I think for the most part, the stuff we don't want published probably finds its way into a personal journal. I'm just sayin'.....

So, common sense (which I keep getting reminded isn't all that common) would tell us that once you say some ol' mean ish about someone on the internet, it's out there for good. And millions upon millions of people may or may not read it. And chances are, it's gonna get back to the person about whom the ish was spoken. And they are probably gonna be pissed.

Ok, now First Amendment aside... coz I really don't wanna debate that... let's say you posted that ish anonymously (which ol' girl apparently did). My take on that is.... coward. If you have enough of an opinion to open your yap, stand behind it. Be woman (or man) enough to own that ish and take the consequences.

I'm not saying you can't say that you find another person's actions or character to be offensive. I'm not saying that you can't voice that opinion. Hell, if you can show that the chick you called a skank behaves skankily, that's not even slander or libel... it's truth. But don't hide behind anonymity throwing mud....

Because what goes around comes around. If you don't want your words attributed to you, keep that thought between your ears. Once anonymity is stripped away, who looks like the bigger fool?

And as for the chick who got called the skank.... Well? Is it time for a reality check? Or a check on your behavior? I dunno.... but I promise, if I ever feel the need to tell you about yourself, you won't catch me hiding out behind a pseudonym or any of that mess!

**this is a pic of the blogger in question, and just so that there are no misunderstandings, Yes, dear, I am saying that I find your method of blogging to be cowardly, in my humble opinion. Do not misconstrue this as support for the model, I just don't like the way you handled yourself... not that what I like/dislike has a damn thing to do with it.

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Saturday, August 22, 2009

I Make a Horrible Sick Person

Ok, ladies, we've all done it... Done what, you ask? Well, this, of course... talked ish about a man in our lives who is all whining and pitiful about being sick!

We've all made fun of how they can't take it, have no tolerance for discomfort, and all around just drive us crazy wanting to be babied.

Well... I have a shameful confession. I suck as a sick person. I had to concede defeat to the Evil Bronchitis this week. And in my defense, I didn't get whiney. I just have no patience for it!!

The first day I admitted I'd been bested by bacteria, I slept like they were gonna outlaw naps forever! That was Thursday. I was in a sleep zone, if you will. In my mind, that should have made things all better.

However, Friday rolled around, and here I was, still coughing up stuff straight out of "Ghostbusters." I had bags under my eyes, and my nose was putting me in direct competition with ol' Rudolph. Ok, I told myself, one more day. So I rested, drank plenty of fluids, took my medicine like a good girl... Certain in the belief that when I woke up in the morning, I'd be good as new.


Today is Saturday... and I am sick of this nonsense!! I have stuff to do!! I want my energy back (what there was of it to begin with) and I want to breathe out of both nostrils simultaneously. I refuse to whine, but dammit, I'm fully ready to rant!! And I will rant... loudly. If, that is, I can quit coughing long enough to do so....

I'm supposed to fix the sick people, not be a sick people...

Tomorrow... I'm sure of it, tomorrow, I will be unsick.

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Monday, August 17, 2009


Dear PETA,

What is wrong with y'all? It's NOT ok to kill a fly, eat meat, wear fur, get rodents out of your house or anything that can in anyway compromise an animal's well being, comfort or pleasure, yet this is cool???

PETA Billboard in Florida

What is it you think you are doing if not inflicting emotional pain, gouging at already damaged self-image/esteem/worth and basically being CRUEL?? When I took biology, I was taught that humans are a part of the ANIMAL kingdom. So does this not make y'all somewhat, well, hypocritical??

Somewhere out there is a 14 year old girl, struggling with weight and body image issues just hurt as hell over all that there bull-shiggity!!

I hope you are proud of yourselves....

Don't smash that fly, President Obama.... oh, yeah, Suzie Teenager, you're a whale. Have a PETA wonderful day.

Go Saddown!

I think I'm gonna fix steak tonight.

Yours most contemptuously,


Kiss my whole entire white whale ass.... thanks.

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I Suck as a Mom today......

Elijah in the car going to school... when I was still a good mommy..

So today Elijah went to First Grade! I got him ready like a good mommy. I gave the pep talk in the car like a good mommy. I gave him a smile, a hug and a kiss as I dropped him off in front of his school like a good mommy.

Then I did the stuff good mommy's do while their kids are at school (and they have a day off of work). No big deal.

So, imagine if you will, my horror when the school called and said.... "We have Eli in the office. School dismissed at 2:00 today."

Ummmmm.... yeah..... I missed the memo. We're going to McDonald's and the park to make up for that one.

Epic Fail!

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Monday, August 10, 2009

I think I just swallowed my tongue!!!

Ok, so it wasn't my tongue, but almost. I choked on my sweet tea.

Have you ever been in a room full of ppl (read your b/f or g/f's family) enjoying nice, casual conversation, feeling comfortable, let your guard down and then BLAM!! Someone says something that just totally brings your brain to a screeching halt??

Hmmm... have ya??

Something along the lines of "So, Miss Amy..... when are you gonna marry my son?"

I was taking a sip of iced tea when Marc's dad, the Good Reverend, asked that particular question. I almost choked to death in the effort NOT to do a spit-take. I tried to convince myself that he was playin'. Only, he wasn't. At. all. Period.

I looked at Marc, and he had the NERVE to be giving me this...



I could not believe it!! Relax for one micromilisecond and kablooey!!!

As I glanced at Marc (who was giving me a (o_O) SIDE-EYE, for crying out loud!!), the Rev says,
"Naw, now.... don't look at him! I'm askin' you... arms can be twisted. I'm asking when you gonna marry this man. Don't look at him..."

I realized that all the conversation in the room had ceased. Somebody even turned the dang TV off in the other room!! I was on FULL blast! I think between the embarassment and the choking I might have turned a very vibrant shade of crimson. My ability to form sentences completely deserted me. And I'm sure I tested my Secret Platinum to its breaking point.

I didn't have any words... me, I know, right?? I always have something to say, but I had nuffin! Not a damn thang! I think I might have uttered something like "uhhh....wooooooooow..."
Marc's youngest brother, Marty was my salvation with the following, "Dang, Daddy!!"

After which, everybody (except the Reverend) laughed at my obvious discomfort. But at least the room wasn't silent anymore. The Reverend continued on with "I need some more daughter-in-laws, and you ain't gettn any younger Marcus...."

At which point Marc got his own O_o side-eye, and replied "Don't worry bout it, Daddy. We'll make sure we let you know first."

And just for the record, I'm not makin' any kinda guest list any time soon. How 'bout we just start with joinin' y'all for church and Sunday dinner? On second thought, ingesting anything that might obstruct my airway or fill my lungs with iced tea might not be my best option.... I'm just sayin'...

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Thursday, August 6, 2009

15 random things about me... and yes, 15 was a randomly chosen number

randomly chosen pic...roger the rat terrier (rat terrorist, more accurately)

Ok, so this is one of those "tag you're it" things... and in case you're wondering, my prolific blog activity is indeed a somewhat futile attempt to get my brain to STFU!! It's been a hell of a week... so sue me, I'm trynna distract myself! In the meantime, here's some randomosity about Amy....

1. at least once a year, i try cottage cheese. i never like it, but i think i ought to.

2. i can read upside down almost as well as right side up.

3. i think my feet look like duck feet.

4. sometimes i like my third sister in law better than my brother.

5. i'm afraid of clowns.

6. i love dredlocs, just not on white ppl... uh-unh

7. i am shocked every day to remember that not only am i an adult, i'm a middle aged adult!

8. the two things that piss me off the most in the world are a.) being lied to and b.) having my intelligence insulted.

9. i have three hermit crabs. i bought them for eli, but he doesn't like them. i think they are the coolest pets i've ever had! their names are scooter, skipper and speedy.

10. besides eli, the thing i am most proud of is that my dad and brother both think i make better fried chicken than my mom did. it's truly the only thing i do better than my mom did.

11. i'm hooked on adult swim and first 48. the stupidity on each is hilarious and mind boggling to me! i can't look away.

12. i don't mind loading the dishwasher, but i dispise putting the dishes away!

13. same thing with the laundry... don't mind washing and folding, hate to put it away!

14. one of my favorite things in the world is to go to bed with freshly laundered sheets and just shaved legs... one of the best sensations ever! (i kno... i have issues)

15. i truly believe there is nothing cooler than the other side of the pillow.

What about y'all... leave a comment if ya want with a random fact or two!

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I'm just sayin'.... some things fellas need to know about chicks....

The following post is of the old copy/paste variety directly from my old MySpace blog.... Yes, that's where I got bitten by the blog bug.... Don't act all self-righteous, I'm sure I'm not the only blogger that's moved out of the MySpace 'hood to better blogging real estate. I should have gone through and edited this more thoroughly. You know, put in capital letters n whatnot... cleaned up the punctuation and the grammar, but it kind of amuses me in its current state. I don't remember exactly what was going on at the moment that I wrote it, but you can be sure Marc was involved in some kind of foolery or another. Anyway.... it's one of the few that I felt were ok enough to pack up and move over to my new eCrib here at Blogspot. Re-reading it, I have come to the conclusion that the whole of the post can probably be summed up with number 5 alone... hmmmmm. Anyhoo, hope you enjoy it! After my last offering, I wanted to post something a with a little lighter mood...

first of all, fellas, i could get my chicks' union card yanked for this. however, i think it might benefit all of us if y'all knew some of, at the risk of my union membership, here we go....

1.first, almost all of us chicas are suckers for the small sweet things. a call or txt at an unexpected time, a kiss on top of the head. not letting go of a hug until after ya girl lets go.....these kinda things earn you big points, guys. the grand gesture every now and then is fine, it's appreciated, and sometimes called for. but it's the little everyday things that remind us we matter to you.

2.the flip side of this is that we are quick to feel ignored. this can be avoided by keeping us informed. most of us don't want chapter and verse of your day, a general overview is fine. simply hey, gonna be busy. call as soon as i can.....blah blah blah.....knowing it's your schedule, not a burning desire to avoid us is big in our books.

3.ya girl has "needs" too. don't forget that in the scheme of things. you think i'm talkin about sex, don't ya....well, that's good. but i'm talkin about other stuff. we need to feel secure, so when we do the "are we ok" thing, don't roll yer eyes, just say "yea, baby, we're fine" (unless we aren't, then refer to number 4). we need face time. especially when we know your life is a circus. if you're able to cut out an hour for your girl when we know your runnin crazy, well that's at least as good as 24 hours when we know you got nothin to do......see number 1.

4. if there's something wrong, tell us. we sense it anyway, and the waiting for the other shoe to drop sucks the life out of us. we might react badly. no promises, but usually, we will be able to get it together and work it out. now, this really runs the risk of losing me my union card, if you know that she ain't the one for you, that she's just a rest stop on the way to your future wife's world, cut ties. if you're just spending time to kill time, you're wasting her time. the man she's waiting on might pass her by if she's attached to you. and the longer you put it off, the worse it's gonna be when it actually ends.

5. saying "i love you" is wonderful. but remember, guys, don't say it more than you show it. know what i mean?

6. there are certain things we say that will tip you off to impending trouble. these include, but are not limited to "fine, nothing, whatever, i got this, i'm good." in general, sentences of three syllables or less spoken in a low tone with quiet volume.....yeah, yer in for it.......

7.when we cry, don't tell us to stop. just hold us, and let us get it out. we know it makes you uncomfortable, and we are sorry for that, but sometimes, the world just comes down around us and we just when that happens, fellas, just hold ya girl and love her.

ok, sisters, if i'm not out of the union and you can think of anything these guys need to know, add it in a comment. if you think i'm way off base, leave that in a comment. guys, feel free to leave comments or questions too. not sayin we'll answer, but ya never kno........

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Tuesday, August 4, 2009

He Ain't Heavy, He's My Uncle

Plenty of what I write references my Mom. She's my sHero. And more than plenty of my decisions and actions are directly influenced by what I think she would expect/want/be proud of.
This post isn't exactly about her, but in a round about way it is.

The true subject of today's random and pressing post is my uncle, Alvin Beck, my mother's oldest brother. Found him dead in his basement this morning. That's so raw and ugly a thing to say, but it's the truth. And after arrangements are made, phone calls placed and news broken, where do I turn? My friends and loved ones.... and the internet. I think that's because so much of how I process things is by forcing them into making sense through the written word. It makes things manageable and real and tangible. Anyhoooo.... I just want to share some things about my uncle.

First of all, in his last few years, Al became somewhat of an eccentric oddball. He gave in somewhat to the pressures of the world. But when I was a kid, he was "Uncle Al, the kiddies pal!"

He was the proverbial favorite uncle. He was the one who played all the musical instruments (guitar, banjo, mandolin, trombone, trumpet, keyboard, fiddle). He was the one who bought a house that had a small renter's cottage on the back lot... specifically for use as a playhouse for his nieces and nephews. He was the one that took us mushroom hunting, rock climbing, fishing, and to the dime store with $5 each to buy whatever we wanted (and let me tell you, at the dime store in the early 70's, $5 was a small fortune when whatever we wanted was usually penny candy and maybe a Barbie doll).

He and my Aunt Carol didn't have any kids of their own, so my brother, cousins and I always made the grand haul for birthdays and Christmas. They always fixed us the bomb-ass Easter baskets and organized the ultimate in Easter egg hunts. There were cookouts almost every weekend of every summer with the juciest chicken and burgers, hotdogs done just right, all the trimmings and inevitably homemade ice cream with fresh strawberries to top it all off.

He was there for all the milestones of my life. Birthdays, Confirmation, graduations, proms and homecomings... there was Uncle Al with his camera, documenting it all. There is photographic proof of every jacked up outfit, every unfortunate hair style, and poor makeup choice I ever made thanks to him! When I got my first apartment, he furnished it for me.... and I mean bed, bedding, table and chairs, armchair, dishes, pots and pans, silverware, towels, cleaning supplies... the whole set up!

Everything I ever did in my life, he was somewhere in the picture. Even if he didn't approve of what it was I was doing, he was still there, just like my mom was, waiting for me to find my way back to the right path. He had faith in me like that, ya know, that I would find my way back. "You're a smart, girl, Amy. You'll work it out." He never really told me, "Hey, you're messin' up here, kid," but his disapproval could be almost palpable. It must have been a familial talent, because Mom was like that too. Didn't hafta say a word, but you knew, absolutely knew, without a doubt that they were disappointed in you. And you had best t' fix it!!

Like I said, in later years, life pressed down on him like a stone, and it took its toll. So, in a way, I know that, for him, death is probably a sweet release from it all. And I guess a huge part of my sadness today is that I didn't say "Thank you" enough. I really try not to live in regret as a general rule for life, but that is something I can say that I do regret. The time to have said all the things I should have has passed with him. I have long missed the Uncle Al who played such a role in my becoming who I am. Now I mourn the loss of the opportunity to let him know that I appreciate him for that.

So today, I imagine the following scene in Heaven. It's the kitchen at my Gramma's. Mom's fixing Gramma's hair, there's a roast with carrots and potatoes in the oven, sweet tea chilling in the fridge, homemade icecream in the freezer and Uncle Al playing guitar and singing while Mom and Gramma gossip about the family and people in church. It's a scene that played out plenty of times in real life, and dammit, I wish I could have it one last time.

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