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random and pressing details: 10/01/2009 - 11/01/2009

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

So I thought I could outwait them....

How can a child his age have such a proper side-eye game?? I don't get it!! He is truly lookin' at me like I'm outside my right mind!!

For those who don't know, when my mom died I inherited my Dad. Shortly thereafter, my brother's 3rd wife returned him (he wasn't a good fit, made her as* look fat or sumthin'). So, to paraphrase Robert Frost, he had to come home, and I had to take him in... you'd have to have known my mom to understand, really, why I still feel so obligated to her problem children.

But I digress... this isn't supposta be about my codependent tendencies (yeah, I see it, and I said it).

This is about a power struggle. A waiting game. A showdown. Me v.s. Them. A contest of wills.

I entered into said contest certain in my victory. This week, I have surrendered. I give. I just can't anymore.

I freely admit, my dad and my brother are far better at living in a pig-sty than I am.

It started because I was sick of cleaning up after their raggely as*es. I was done. I was fed up, exasperated, infuriated and exhausted... My plan was simple. Fuggetaboutem!! Let them get a taste of a house where no one cleans up after them. Let them see how bad it can get without me following behind them like their mama did. I was sure I would win.


At first, they didn't even seem to notice the layer of dust and the cobwebs. I think they did begin to notice the lack of clean dishes. They bought paper plates. But since clean dishes and a clean kitchen are necessary for my personal happiness, I soon exempted the kitchen from my strike.

I then thought the ring in the bathtub and the toilet would make an impression. Again I was wrong. And again, I found a clean bathroom was necessary for my personal happiness. So I exempted the upstairs bathroom from my strike.

Do you see the pattern here? None of it mattered to them. It could have fallen down around them before they would have lifted a finger. They were set in their way.

But then my son jerked me into reality.

"Mom, I'll help you if you feel like cleaning the house. It's kinda nasty."


So I explained to him that I was tired of cleaning up after people and was only cleaning up my own messes (and his) from now on. Do you know what he said?

My sweet, beautiful, almost 7 year-old son looked at me, threw back his head, and said......

"BWAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAHAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!! You're gonna wait a long time for THEM to help you!! But I know how to dust if you want me to...."

He then shook his head at me and chuckled for another good five minutes... like I'm ridiculous or something.

So Eli and I are cleaning the house. Coz WE like it clean...

Have I mentioned lately I love my kid?

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Saturday, October 17, 2009

It's called FLAG football for a reason, son!!

The little corner of the Cornfield where my son and I live is a town called Du Quoin, Illinois. It's mostly "famous" for the Du Quoin State Fair (which is totally the shyznitt!! ummmm...fair food!) and for high school football. The Du Quoin Indians are known in Southern Illinois for always fielding a powerhouse team. Twenty-five straight years in post-season playoffs ain't no joke!! This includes more than one trip to the "Big Show" that is the State Championship game. They lost a heartbreaker in the final last year.... I was soooooo bummed about that one...

But I digress....

Part of the fielding consistently good teams is that they start 'em young here. Which brings me (finally) to my topic... my son is playing flag football. But it's really "flag" football in name only. I mean, they all wear the little belts with the tear away flags. And they do grab the flags....eventually. However, those lil' beasts were straight up tackling each other! I stood in utter amazement as I watched these 6 and 7 year olds T-boning, bodyslamming and clotheslining one another. These children, who will whine and cry at a moment's notice when they are with mommy, were knocking the dog poop outta each other! Then there they were, poppin' up to their feet for more like they had springs in their butts!!

The teams are all coached by players from the high school team. I guess to build responsibility and leadership skills... Anyhoo...the parents lining the field were conversing about the positions these munchkins were destined for in 7, 8, 9 years when it is finally their turn to be high school football heroes... And please believe me when I say, these people meant that ish!! It wasn't just idle chit chat about some vague future team... these folks gots plans for the kiddos! Training regiments and the whole banana. They practically have the 2017 team roster finalized!

All the while, these kids are just knockin' the crap outta each other!! On the bright side, I've been assured by several people that Eli is a beast on defense and has a bright future as a defensive back coming down the road!!

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Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Hello, World... what's good?

So I've been rippin' n runnin' around lately. Haven't stopped for ANY foolery for weeks now, and I'm in withdrawal!!

So a synopsis of my latest activities is a totally pointless exercise, because it's all boring, dull, lackluster stuff. The only thing of any real interest is something that's totally not ready to be blogged about... yet.

But I wanted to mention a couple things that have caught my attention... just in passing.

First, someone at VH1 decided it would be a good idea to do a second season of For the Love of RayJay. I can only assume it's the same genius who keeps shoving Real and Chance down America's throats.

Next, Eddie Griffin is on TV whining about being broke but looking like he's doing better than me. Really??? Cry me a river. Is he really still relevant?

And... if you get pulled over on interstate 57 near Ullin, IL at about 1 am on a Sunday nite, don't tell the state trooper you are on your way home from Memphis. He only will then ask to search your car. Apparently, there is something sinister about that.

Ok, so that's not much of a post. It's not even funny. However, it is what it is... just a way of sayin' I'M BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!!!!

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Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Stuff, stuff and more stuff....

Lots going on in the real day to day world of AmyMay... And although the sheer numbers are underwhelming, there are a few people who have asked why I haven't been blogging lately.

To both of you, I apologize. I'll be back on my game soon. There are just a few things that I hafta deal with... mundane and boring things. So I'm taking a page out of Ms. Alise's book and taking a brief hiatus from my online life. I won't be gone long.

In the meantime...

Here's some foolishness for your perusal.

By the way... did I mention I got pulled over the other night?

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Yea, I'm still here. And still brilliant... whatever....

Sometimes, I have moments of near genius, I tell you! For real, people, I do!! Ask somebody. Not always, but sometimes. And sometimes, I think I'm having a moment of genius, or at least near brilliance... only it's not.

This was one of those times.

My bathroom sink was running slow. I had no drain cleaner or whatever at the time. It was 6 am... whataya want from me?? So, in what I thought to be a moment of genius, I got out the plunger.

The result? THIS:

Now, I don't know what that shit is, nor do I want to. But it won't drain. I ended up scooping about a half inch layer of "UGH" out of the bottom of my sink after I got all the water bailed out.

Yea... it was nasty. And it's a problem, b/c my bathroom sink is outta commission for now. Booooo!!!

And although my brother and dad are handy in the sense of being easily accessible, well.... I'ma still call a plumber.

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