This Page

has been moved to new address

random and pressing details

Sorry for inconvenience...

Redirection provided by Blogger to WordPress Migration Service
random and pressing details: 02/01/2009 - 03/01/2009

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Some people are just messed up...

I got to thinkin' about this after my last post.  My fathead brother (fhb) is where the thought originally started.  The PBG made a very perceptive observation about his revolving-door wives, that the common denominator in all that mess is him.  Which of course brought on the conclusion, Hey...know what, fhb IS fukd up!  And there are many things that factor into his fukdupedness....  but then, I saw this isht on the TV about freakin' Octomom getting an offer to do porn!  

Now, this is fukd up.  First of all, allow me to say, ewwwww.  Just ewwwww!  Then allow me to observe, this waste of space needs an eviction notice.  I want her off of my planet.  

She has the audacity to irresponsibly reproduce into double digits without a means of providing adequately for the children.  She starts up a web site asking people to help her to provide for said children, then gets photographed buying makeup at the M.A.C. counter (I'm pretty sure that lipgloss coulda bought some Pampers).  She's about to lose her current living situation and yet has the ovaries to be looking at a crib listed at 1.5 million.  

So why should I be surprized that the porn industry is knocking at her door? The surprize will be in her not conforming to character and further compromising her eternal soul by turning down a job on her back.  What do you think the title will be?  There's already a copyright on Octopussy, so that's out....

In all honesty, fhb is starting to look pretty damn normal!  He's still a fathead, tho.

Labels: , ,

Monday, February 23, 2009

If you didn't wanna know, why did you ask???

It irritates the living hell outta me when the people occupying my space ask me for advice or an opinion and then go on to completely dismiss whatever position I happen to take.  Now, I know, for the most part, when that happens, the person involved usually has her/his mind made up before hand and is simply looking for someone to cosign.  I get it.  But if that's what you're looking for, I am not the one.  Coz Imma tell ya what I really think, and Good Lord help ya if it blows up in ya face, coz Imma tell ya about yourself all over again when it does, with a big dose of "I TOLD you!"

See, I love to be right.  LOVE IT!!  I used to go to enormous lengths to prove how right I was, even if I wasn't.....I have made some progress toward humility and whatnot in recent years, but dayum...I still love to be right.  

So, when my fathead brother tells me he's interested in a new chick, shows me a pic of her online and she looks EXACTLY like his last two ex-wives, do you think I kept my mouth shut?  I did, until he asked the magic question, "Well, what do you think?"  Then, I let him have my honest opinion.  The following is the ensuing conversation.

me:  "I think you're remarkably consistent..."

fhb:  "But what do you think of her?"

me:  "What I said, you're consistent.  Haven't you married this same chick twice already?"

fhb:  "How do you know what she's like?"

me:  "I don't, but she LOOKS just like the last two.  Why you always looking to start up a new relationship anyway?  You haven't been by yourself more than a month since you knocked up Number 1 in highschool.  And you suck at this shit, man!! Let it alone!"

fhb:  "Wow. Ok.  Well...guess I'm gonna call her then..."

Five minutes of my life I will never have back.  

**The chick in the pic is NOT the chick in the's fhb's last girlfriend (she lasted an entire 6 months, whoa!).  She really looks nothing like wives #2 & #3.

Labels: , , ,

Friday, February 20, 2009

It's a Mom thing I guess

So, my kid's been having some little health hiccups lately....not too serious really, just enough to make him intermittently pitiful.  And all moms know, when your kiddo is pitiful, your heart kinda melts a little.  This got me thinking about how fast he's growing up.  That got me thinking about when he was a baby.  

So, I just wanted to share one of my favorite memory of Eli's babyhood.

When he was just about 8 or 9 months old, he started pulling up on the rail of his crib and climbing out, so I had to make sure he was fast asleep before putting him in his bed.  The easiest and fastest way to do that was to hold him and put on music (Al Green, Let's Stay Together worked the best) and dance slowly until he dropped off.  I would put the song on repeat and just keep going til I felt him relax, his breath deepen and slow.  Then I'd keep it up for another five minutes or so, until I was pretty much sure he was out like a light.  I can remember the feel of his soft baby curls against my cheek and the baby shampoo and lotion smell.  This is one of the sweetest memories I have.

And now, I look at him asleep on the couch, and I'm thinking how I'm gonna hafta wake him up to get him to bed because he's gotten too big to carry.   

But he'll always be my baby!

Labels: , , ,

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Luvologist made me think....Damn him!!!

Trust.  The Luvologist asks:  Today's Love Question of the Day  (Love QOD) was "what is Trust? And how do you know when you can apply it?"

In 140 characters or less??!!  Maaaaannn! What are you tryna do to us, bae? Make people have brain overload?  The question was asked on Twitter (if ya don't know by now, ppl, Google that ish! I can't keep tellin' y'all) thus the character limit--that's all the space you have for a single update.


Trust is a hell of a deep subject.  It's like ice cream.   It goes from your basic, generic superficial vanilla to the depth and complexity of a Ben n Jerry's masterpiece (mmmm.....Chunky Monkey! bananas and chocolate and walnuts, OH MY!)  

You have the trust you extend to the world just by walking out of your front door....that the first person you meet on the street won't dot yer eye for no reason, for instance.  There's the trust you extend to your coworkers--I do my job, you do yours.  Trust for acquaintances, we'll kick it and whatnot, part ways on good terms and go on with our lives.  These are just a few examples of the store brand varieties of trust.  This is the trust you have to maintain on a daily basis to function in the world.  It's necessary, limited and conditional.  It's only gonna take one time for your neighbor to steal your newspaper or purposely let their dog sh*t in your yard, and that trust is pretty much done.  

The deeper, more intimate varieties are the coffee-almond-mocha ice cream of the trust continuum.  That's the best friend who has proven they can be trusted with your biggest secrets because they've kept all your little ones.  That's the sister who knows you so well that you don't hafta say a word when your heart is breaking--she's there for you, just like you knew she would be.  That's the lover with whom you're free to share your self, heart, mind and soul.

But where does it all come from.....?

I think it starts with that little seed of faith.  You don't know that guy at the bus stop isn't gonna push you under the bus as it rolls up, you just have to believe it's gonna be ok to wait on that bus and that nothing untoward is gonna go down.  It starts with giving over your little secrets, hoping that they get kept, but willing to take the chance that they won't....allowing that trust to build and grow.  Nurturing it and nudging it along like a mother teaching her child how to walk.  It starts with believing that lover isn't out to make a fool of you and break your heart...going into it knowing both the risks and potential gifts, willing to let it flower in its own time.  So it goes.

But, just as difficult as it to grow, it is just as easily broken.  It is a fragile thing, trust.  Especially the gourmet variety.  The more of yourself you have put into a relationship, the more you trust yourself to another person, the more voluntarily vulnerable you become, the easier that trust is to damage and destroy.  And the harder to restore.

So what is it?  I guess it's how we function in the world without losing our minds.  When do we extend it? Every minute of every day, with varied results....some wonderful, others rending.  That's still too long for a Tweet (it's another Twitter reference for some of y'all who don't know).  But it's what I think. . . . . for what it's worth.

Labels: , , , ,

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

who's bright idea was this anyway?

I have a wonderful, active, smart, beautiful, funny and talented six-year-old son.  His name is Elijah, and he goes by Eli most of the time.  I'm kinda proud of him.  You know, typical mom ish.

Anyway, he's always loved music.  The last eight or nine months, he started asking for two things consistently: 1.) turntables (yeah, I and 2.) a guitar.  Well, for Christmas he got the guitar.  (Again, wtf? I musta been temporarily insane, you say?)  But what good is a guitar if you don't know how to play it (besides the obvious use in assaulting parental ears).

So it took all of January to find a guitar teacher in the area that would take a student his age.  There was one in the area who first said, sure no prob, but they teach Suzuki Method and want ALL of their students to start on the violin, and Eli had no interest in the violin "It's screechy, Mom."  Most of the other teachers didn't think he was old enough to have the attention span, the discipline or the rhythm for learning an instrument.    But there was finally one, at Mike's Music in Carbondale, IL, who said let's see what the kid can do.  And said instructor was duly impressed with the boy.  So, we have a teacher.

Now, this brings us to the pain of the situation.....practicing.  Thirty minutes of earpain daily.  Thirty minutes of arguing.  Thirty minutes of "Am I almost done yet?"  In short, thirty minutes in my own little hell.  Finger exercises, fretting exercises, tuning....Have I mentioned the arguing?

Well, we had a breakthrough today.  He came home from school, picked up his guitar and asked me to set the timer for his 30 minutes.  He told me he didn't want to "sound lame" at his lesson tomorrow.  (He's six, what does he know from lame?)  He went through all of his exercises without complaint, for the most part.  He still doesn't have any callouses built up on his fretting hand, so it's kinda painful.

I'm convinced he's up to something.  But for today, nobody received any bodily injury during guitar practice!

peace n blessings

Labels: , , ,

why I'm not all up under him, for my friends who've asked...

I'm gonna expand on my last post a little.  I said I might go into more detail on the "my second time around with my guy" thing.  I do this not so much for the entertainment value as for the need to declutter my brain a little, and express an opinion or two.  (what, ya didn't see that coming?).

Marc (my guy) and I met in late 99.  We were together a little over a year.  I luvs me some Marc.  I always have.  I made a lot of mistakes out of a lack of confidence.  I actually kinda hated myself back then.  Had no faith in myself.  The relationship couldn't stand up to it.  He wasn't perfect either, don't get me wrong, but I really wasn't relationship material back then.  I was briefly involved with another man, and we ended up having a son.  He chose to cut and run.  His loss.  So, I've been raising my son alone with help from my family ever since.  Let me also add, I'd been celibate by choice from the time "baby daddy" dashed til Marc & I reconnected.  

Both Marc and I have moved a few times since then.  Then last fall, we found we were living about 20 miles apart.  We started talking and found the spark was still there.  

So you might think we're all up in each other's face n shyt.  Nope.  We talk or text every day once or twice maybe.  We've taken one trip to Memphis together.  See each other about once a week.  It's working for us.  We both have things we are working toward.  I'm going back to school to get an advanced nursing degree.  He's working on his career in music.  The point is, we have our own things going on.  We're "together" but not up under each other.  

Ok that's all back story for the rest of this. (Yes, there's patient).

It took me all of my twenties and thirties to figure out how to be ok with and by myself.  It took til I was forty to be a whole, happy, grown-ass woman.  It took that long to learn how to love myself, and others, without needing any one  to make me a whole person.  Damn if I'm not a slow learner!

I have friends who can't go a day without seeing their SO without hyperventilating.  Why?  I don't get it.  Loving someone does not mean you dissolve yourself in favor of coupledom.  I'm there for Marc whenever he needs me and vice versa.  But I know he loves me if I'm with him, at work, with my son, at church or hanging with my girls.  He knows I love him if he's with me, at SoundCore (the music store he works at), on the wheels at the club or in the lab.  It doesn't change out of physical proximity.

I know he has my back and he knows I have his.  It's called commitment people!  It's also called communication.  We tell each other our needs and desires.  We tell each other what's going on, and we are patient with each other.  And we do this without smothering one another.

I've gotten a lot of flack from some of my "relationship bound" friends who apparently don't think our relationship is a "real" relationship.  Because we aren't attached at the hip?  Sorry, but that doesn't fly with me.  What does obsessiveness have to do with love?  What does jealousy have to do with love?  Nada.

I know what I've got.  I know I am loved.  I know it's all good.  And so does he.  Love is what you do, supporting, caring, accepting.  It's in the little things.  It's in having someone enhance you and believe in you, not complete you.  In fact, if you aren't complete in and of yourself, you can't successfully love anyone.  

So to my friends who tell me I'm not in a "real relationship" or  assume what I have with my guy is "casual" I say, it's as real as can be.  It's working for us.  We're good, and we're each other's.  And that's all that counts.


Labels: , , , , ,

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Lessons Learned

I'm in a relationship with a man that I love very very much.  There's a long story and a history behind this relationship, and I may or may not expand on that at some point.  I only mention it to preface the next statement I make.  This isn't our first time around as a couple.  I only mention that to preface the rest of this blog.  I'm gonna talk about learning from mistakes in a relationship and doing things better when you know better.

First lesson:  Insecurity ain't cute.
The first time around, I wasn't comfortable in my own skin.  I wasn't secure in myself.  I had a hard time seeing in myself what others saw in me.  The result was that I couldn't understand why he was with me, couldn't believe it would last, and I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. It eventually did drop.  It took several years of changing and growing and learning to love myself before I was ready to accept love.  When I met up with my guy again, after almost seven years, we were both different people in a lot of ways.  The biggest change on my part was that I believe now that I am worth being loved.   He's lucky to have me.  I'm a damn good woman.  I've got my shyt together.  So I'm not a supermodel.  That's minor compared to what I am.  

Second lesson:  Jealousy is some bullshit.
Because I was insecure, I was also prone to trippin' whenever I felt that was an opportunity for someone else to move in on him.  Now I have a different attitude about that.  First, jealousy makes everyone involved crazy.  It makes you feel like shyt, and  it pushes him away.  There are no winners involved.  Second, he's with me by choice!  There are reasons for that, and a slick line and a fat ass shouldn't be able to fux with it.  If some chick can pull my man that easily, there are bigger problems at hand, and being jealous won't fix it.  Shyt needs a major overhaul in that case.  But jealousy?  Naw. That ain't sexy.

Third lesson:  Relationships are between the two people involved.
Your homies might mean well, but guaranteed, if you let them get in your ear, bullshit will follow!
Keep your business your business.  Talk things out with your man, not your girls.  They aren't the ones who can fix things.  

Fourth lesson:  Respect
Respect yourself, your man and your relationship.  Give it the place on the  priority list  it deserves.  Respect begets respect, so get the ball rolling.

Fifth lesson:  Fuck pride.
You can satisfy your pride or you can satisfy your man, but rarely both.  Choose.  I'm not saying throw away your integrity or self esteem or self respect.  I'm talking about no-sense-in-it, damn-if-I-apologize-first, I'll-show-you, pride.  It is corrosive.  It implies keeping score.  It's pointless.

Sixth lesson:  Let Your Man be the Man
Not popular with my Independent minded women, I'm sure.  I'm not talking about being a doormat.  It goes back to everything I've already said though.  And if you're willing to do your part as a Woman, and let him be a Man, beautiful things happen.  For me, it's about respecting his opinions and honoring his wishes.  When he was secure in my willingness to factor his views into my decisions, and include him in making decisions, the potential for compromise, the give and take space, grew exponentially.  

So that's that.  Love it or hate it.  It's working for us this rip.  

Labels: , , ,

do it or don't

So, I'm realizing I've got stuff to say.  I've been mostly saying it on myspace, because that's where a lot of my work friends look for me to say stuff.   It's a very uninspiring environment, tho.  So I'm moving on to bigger and better blog venues.  Specifically this one.  I don't care if no one ever reads it.  The point is, I'm doing it.  I'm gonna make a commitment to at least an entry a week.  I'm not promising genius, people, just the effort!


Labels: ,