January 17

Everybody has a story behind their "Innanets Name." I'm no exception to that. Amymay is something that Mr. Man used to call me back when we first met. And his birthday is January 17. Thus: amymay117. It started out as my email addy. Then as my username on the myspace... and so on.

Back in 2004 the 117 part took on a new meaning. My mom died on January 17. I remember standing in the hospital, saying my goodbyes, trying to wake up from a living nightmare... and thinking how inappropriate it was that Mom was dying on Marc's birthday. Thing is... we weren't even together at the time (and hadn't been since 2001), but he was always part of my consciousness. I kinda felt guilty, thinking about him when I should have been thinking about her.

When we got back together, January 17 rolled around for the first time, and that guilt fell away. See, I never really believed in coincidence, and I still don't. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that my mom chose this date to cross over. I'm saying that Mr. Man's birthday being on the same date helps me to remember to celebrate. Celebrate her life rather than mourn a loss. Celebrate his bornday. Celebrate the way that lives converge, even when it seems that they have taken seperate paths. Celebrate love, and family, and beginnings, and life.

So that's the story of my online name. It's kinda dramatical, but that's how I roll!
Anyway... Happy Birthday, boo!! And, Mom, I love and miss ya!

Yes... that's my kid... *sigh*

It's been a minute.  For the record, school is OFFICIALLY kicking my ass.  I need better people, coz y'all shoulda talked me outta this summer semester nonsense.

Anyway....

I have blog material that has been marinating away in my wee brainy brain for better than a week now b/c I just didn't have a spare moment to post!  But tonight, I have broken away from my homework shackles and escaped into the blogosphere!!

So, it all starts with me at school last Tuesday.  I'm on my way home and Mr. Man texts me that there are power lines down on the side street by our house.  Power's out.  Storm is over.  Well, where I was in class, there were no clouds, much less a storm going on, so I hit him back for details.

Cut to me pulling up in front of the house.  Sure enough, the neighbor's tree is down in the middle of Peach Street, and it took the power line and two poles with it.  I also see my son, whom I love (honestly, I really do!) running around the yard looking like Mowgli... barefoot, no shirt, filthy, and dragging branches around the yard.  Before you ask, he was "building" a hut... no, I don't know why.  Sheesh.

Like any good mother, I tell him to get his little greenbean butt in the house and quit bringing everybody's branches in my dang yard!! I also told him to get a shirt and some shoes on.  Well, I get inside, and I think the boy is in his room playing with his matchbox cars when Mr. Man says, "Woooooow.... they sent a news crew."  Sure enough, a couple of the local stations find it necessary to cover the downed tree.  In all fairness, the storm took out power to a couple thousand homes and businesses, which considering we are in the middle of a cornfield is pretty wide spread, so I guess, since it is a cornfield, that counts as news.

Well the next thing I know, I see my dad (he lives in the basement) walking Roger the Rat Terrier past the dining room window.  First, that man never walks that dog.  Second, that man never walks that dog!!!  Did I mention the news crew?  Long story short: dad gets interviewed, my soul shrivels a little.

I see the news van pull off, and I think the worst is over.

No.  I am so totally wrong.

"Hey, there's another van... channel 3 this time," says Mr. Man.

"For God's sake, don't tell dad!" says me.

A very short while later, it hits me that the boy has been awfully quiet for an awfully long time.

"Ummmm, baby?" says Mr. Man, "You better look out the window...."

And what do I see when I look out the window?  

Lemme tell you.... I see Mowgli riding his bicycle on the street where the downed power lines and fallen tree are stretched out!!!  

"Oh for the love of God!!!!! Marc, go get him!!!!"

The child was riding down our driveway (about 25 feet away from any real danger), down the street smack in the middle of the news crew's shot, up the sidewalk and across the yard back to the driveway, over, and over, and over again in a blatant attempt to get on the news!  So Mr. Man goes and retrieves my media hungry child and brings his bad lil' butt back in the house.

It's not five minutes later.... "Daaaaannnnngggg..... baby, look out the window..."

Now before you think he was on his bike again, let me tell you, he does listen for the most part, and when the big man told him to put his bike up, he did.  However.... my child was in the yard, not 10 feet away from where the news crew was interviewing a dude from the county safety commission, serenading them ON HIS GUITAR with "Ol' Joe Clark."

"Dammit!! Get him back in here!"

We both go out after him this time.... bring him in, and tell him to stay put.

Another five minutes, and I hear the dog barking.  I look out, and the boy is walking the dog this time.  

"I got it baby..."  Mr. Man retrieves child for the third time.

I collapse in chair.  

The next day at work, my fellow nurses and I are talking about the storm and stuff.  The conversation turns to the news coverage.  One of the girls says, "I saw that on channel 3... and I said to my husband, 'Who let's their kid ride their bike around downed power lines?'"

And my soul dies a little more.... 

If you wanna see the kiddo's TV debut, click the link.  Forward to about the middle.... I'm so proud. o_O

Yeah.

My Second 21st BornDay!

First the bad news... I gotta work on my BornDay. *boo*


Now the good news... Absolutely everyone I love and care about remembered it was my BornDay!  


Of course, many of them had Facebook reminding them.... but that's ok, too.  Because I am the absolute worst at remembering birthdays and anniversaries and whatnot.  So I totally don't consider that cheating!!  In fact, I think that Facebook's little birthday reminders are probably saving relationships the world over!  Kudos, Facey!


I'm at an age now where lots of folks, especially us chicks... don't front, you know I'm not lying... well, lots of us start hedging around the whole birthday/aging/real age topic.  Not me! It seems like a cliche, but most cliches are cliches b/c they are true at some level... anyway, life just keeps getting better!!  


Don't get me wrong, I still have the typical human type ups and downs, just like everybody else.  I just find that for the most part, I like who I am a lot more now than when I was younger.  I am more comfortable in my own skin. 


The older I get, the more I realize there isn't infinite time to get caught up in peripheral bullsnit.  
The older I get, the less likely I am to keep my opinions to myself.
The older I get, the more likely I am to stand up for what I believe.
The older I get, the better I am able to express myself honestly without hurting others in the process.
The older I get, the better I distinguish between what matters and what doesn't.
The older I get, the better I am at recognizing what is genuine. (No Ginuwine... this is a babyhurr free zone!)


Other awesome things that have happened since last BornDay:


I have developed and fostered several new friendships, many as a direct result of the Twittuh and Faceybook and Blogging!  #Shoutout to the ePosse!! 


I have learned how to let go and act a fool!! Interestingly enough, your sense of humor is a muscle, apparently, and it will atrophy with disuse... but trynna keep up with the wit of some of my eFamily has got that mufugga ripped!! Damb a six-pack, my sense of humor is sportin' a case, I tell ya!!


My creativity and love of writing and words has been tapped again!!  I used to dream of being a "real" writer. I guess what I never knew is that I already was a real writer... I just hafta work at it.  That doesn't mean I will ever actually be published, but hell... who needs that when the world has Blogger and Wordpress??  I'm good!  I don't ever intend to support myself by writing, it just makes me happy!  


So these are my Thank you for making my world a better place shoutouts:

• Eli, my son makes the world wonderful!
• Marc, my boo... drives me crazy in ways good, bad and ugly!! (Luv ya boo!)
• My Dad and Fathead Brother... they support me, aggravate me, entertain me... all the things a Dad and Fathead Brother should do.
• The ePosse, ThePBG, NaturallyAlise, and Awesomely Luvvie... these ladies have forced me to step up my Ig, sharpen my wit, stay relevant, and blog, blog, blog!!
• NaturallyAlise, individually, because she is not only my Cosmic Twin, she has been subjected to my poetry in all its varied states: good, bad, raw, crappy, unfinished, inspired, in development... you get the idea.  And she has never not even one time said, "HEFFA PUHLEEZ!!"  And for that I thank her!
• My Ranch/KFC homies! You guys make the work world an awesome place to be! Now, let's get out there and fix us some sick people!!
• Everyone who reads my blogs.  I am constantly and sincerely amazed and gratified that anyone anywhere gives a good gahtdamb bout what I have to say... much less that they enjoy it!  I love y'all, for realz for realz!!

Ok, that's about all I've got for today...

Make sure y'all remember to laugh and be ignant!!  Thanks for making my corner of the innanets a great place to live! 

I think I just swallowed my tongue!!!

Ok, so it wasn't my tongue, but almost. I choked on my sweet tea.

Have you ever been in a room full of ppl (read your b/f or g/f's family) enjoying nice, casual conversation, feeling comfortable, let your guard down and then BLAM!! Someone says something that just totally brings your brain to a screeching halt??

Hmmm... have ya??

Something along the lines of "So, Miss Amy..... when are you gonna marry my son?"

I was taking a sip of iced tea when Marc's dad, the Good Reverend, asked that particular question. I almost choked to death in the effort NOT to do a spit-take. I tried to convince myself that he was playin'. Only, he wasn't. At. all. Period.

I looked at Marc, and he had the NERVE to be giving me this...

o_O

YES... A SIDE-EYE!!!!

I could not believe it!! Relax for one micromilisecond and kablooey!!!

As I glanced at Marc (who was giving me a (o_O) SIDE-EYE, for crying out loud!!), the Rev says,

"Naw, now.... don't look at him! I'm askin' you... arms can be twisted. I'm asking when you gonna marry this man. Don't look at him..."

I realized that all the conversation in the room had ceased. Somebody even turned the dang TV off in the other room!! I was on FULL blast! I think between the embarassment and the choking I might have turned a very vibrant shade of crimson. My ability to form sentences completely deserted me. And I'm sure I tested my Secret Platinum to its breaking point.

I didn't have any words... me, I know, right?? I always have something to say, but I had nuffin! Not a damn thang! I think I might have uttered something like "uhhh....wooooooooow..."

Marc's youngest brother, Marty was my salvation with the following, "Dang, Daddy!!"

After which, everybody (except the Reverend) laughed at my obvious discomfort. But at least the room wasn't silent anymore. The Reverend continued on with "I need some more daughter-in-laws, and you ain't gettn any younger Marcus...."

At which point Marc got his own O_o side-eye, and replied "Don't worry bout it, Daddy. We'll make sure we let you know first."

And just for the record, I'm not makin' any kinda guest list any time soon. How 'bout we just start with joinin' y'all for church and Sunday dinner? On second thought, ingesting anything that might obstruct my airway or fill my lungs with iced tea might not be my best option.... I'm just sayin'...

Meetin' the WHOLE Family!!

Ok.... 'nuff with the procrastinating and lazy already! Thanks everyone for being so patient with me. I just didn't have the umph last week to post. Work was a tad bit, well, hellish.... My fellow inmates at the Ranch can attest to that. (April, I expect a comment, Miss Ma'am.)

So, today's topic is The Wedding. My Marc's sister got married on the 6th. It was a really nice wedding. There were a few guests out there bad--who wears plaid bermudas, a sleeveless tee and topsiders to a wedding? Really?? I'm just sayin'..... but over all, the whole thing was lovely. Cyah (the bride) looked like a princess and the groom, Bill, was her prince. (No Purple Rain). The whole wedding party, in fact, looked like they could have come out of a bridal mag.

On to the reception.... the decorations were really beautiful and the DJ was hot (ok, so Marc was the DJ... I might be a little biased). But the people out at the spot were trippin' bout that air... they know they were wrong for not having that joint cooled down by the time the party started! Even before the dinner and dancing started folks were mopping their foreheads and wiping sweat off their necks! Just bogus!! But once they got it going, it cooled down nicely. Of course DJ Marc B. got the sweat rollin' again once the real party started! (Ok, ok.... I'm a LOT biased).

So, you might ask, lovely wedding and reception.... nothing to roast? Why post?

Because I met so many relatives waiting to meet "the girlfriend" that my head was spinning for three whole days with the names n faces!! Now, Marc n I have been down the couple road before, so this wasn't the first time I'd met some of them, but it was the first time I'd seen many of them since we got back together. Including his mother, and lemme tell ya, I was really not sure how that was gonna go. But his mom is really sweet and gracious. She hugged me and started prayin', but the music was bumpin' so loud, I really didn't catch half of what she was prayin' for... I'm pretty sure whatever evil was lurking in the building was rebuked post-haste, however! Then she told me how much she loves her son and how she wants to see him happy. After which she told me "I know he was happy with you before, and I don't know what happened between you. All I know is he seems to be happy with you again, so I hope you all make it work this time."

There were cousins, aunts, sisters and nieces where ever I turned... every one armed to the teeth with interrogation tactics that would make the CIA bow down with respect! It was definitely the female relatives in charge of the situation. I think the men knew they had no say in this one. One cousin, was particularly intense. I wish I had a picture of her *side eye* coz I'm pretty sure it would have met with resounding approval from The PBG and Luvvie. It pinned me to the wall, I'm telling you!! (Said side eye was the punctuation mark on the end of the following sentence: "Marcus is very special to this family, and he deserves someone who's gonna do him right....").

The other end of the spectrum was Marc's sister-in-law who about had our wedding planned by the time the cake was being cut! No matter how many times I repeated that no such wedding was currently even a topic of discussion, she wasn't hearin' it! By the time everybody was hittin' the floor for the compulsory Electric Slide, the woman was designing my dress!

The end result of all this was that my nerves were as frazzled as the ends of Bret Michael's bandanna wig by the time Marc and I left. I worried myself over it for a day and a half. And as much as I love him, Marc wouldn't say shit if he had a mouthful. So, finally, I had to ask.... what's the verdict??

"Aww, boo... you cool."

So there you have it. I'm cool. Downright gushy for Marc.

Now to mentally prepare myself for the family reunion next month.... here we go again!

why I'm not all up under him, for my friends who've asked...

I'm gonna expand on my last post a little.  I said I might go into more detail on the "my second time around with my guy" thing.  I do this not so much for the entertainment value as for the need to declutter my brain a little, and express an opinion or two.  (what, ya didn't see that coming?).

Marc (my guy) and I met in late 99.  We were together a little over a year.  I luvs me some Marc.  I always have.  I made a lot of mistakes out of a lack of confidence.  I actually kinda hated myself back then.  Had no faith in myself.  The relationship couldn't stand up to it.  He wasn't perfect either, don't get me wrong, but I really wasn't relationship material back then.  I was briefly involved with another man, and we ended up having a son.  He chose to cut and run.  His loss.  So, I've been raising my son alone with help from my family ever since.  Let me also add, I'd been celibate by choice from the time "baby daddy" dashed til Marc & I reconnected.  

Both Marc and I have moved a few times since then.  Then last fall, we found we were living about 20 miles apart.  We started talking and found the spark was still there.  

So you might think we're all up in each other's face n shyt.  Nope.  We talk or text every day once or twice maybe.  We've taken one trip to Memphis together.  See each other about once a week.  It's working for us.  We both have things we are working toward.  I'm going back to school to get an advanced nursing degree.  He's working on his career in music.  The point is, we have our own things going on.  We're "together" but not up under each other.  

Ok that's all back story for the rest of this. (Yes, there's more.....geez....be patient).

It took me all of my twenties and thirties to figure out how to be ok with and by myself.  It took til I was forty to be a whole, happy, grown-ass woman.  It took that long to learn how to love myself, and others, without needing any one  to make me a whole person.  Damn if I'm not a slow learner!

I have friends who can't go a day without seeing their SO without hyperventilating.  Why?  I don't get it.  Loving someone does not mean you dissolve yourself in favor of coupledom.  I'm there for Marc whenever he needs me and vice versa.  But I know he loves me if I'm with him, at work, with my son, at church or hanging with my girls.  He knows I love him if he's with me, at SoundCore (the music store he works at), on the wheels at the club or in the lab.  It doesn't change out of physical proximity.

I know he has my back and he knows I have his.  It's called commitment people!  It's also called communication.  We tell each other our needs and desires.  We tell each other what's going on, and we are patient with each other.  And we do this without smothering one another.

I've gotten a lot of flack from some of my "relationship bound" friends who apparently don't think our relationship is a "real" relationship.  Because we aren't attached at the hip?  Sorry, but that doesn't fly with me.  What does obsessiveness have to do with love?  What does jealousy have to do with love?  Nada.

I know what I've got.  I know I am loved.  I know it's all good.  And so does he.  Love is what you do, supporting, caring, accepting.  It's in the little things.  It's in having someone enhance you and believe in you, not complete you.  In fact, if you aren't complete in and of yourself, you can't successfully love anyone.  

So to my friends who tell me I'm not in a "real relationship" or  assume what I have with my guy is "casual" I say, it's as real as can be.  It's working for us.  We're good, and we're each other's.  And that's all that counts.

blessings

a

Lessons Learned

I'm in a relationship with a man that I love very very much.  There's a long story and a history behind this relationship, and I may or may not expand on that at some point.  I only mention it to preface the next statement I make.  This isn't our first time around as a couple.  I only mention that to preface the rest of this blog.  I'm gonna talk about learning from mistakes in a relationship and doing things better when you know better.

First lesson:  Insecurity ain't cute.

The first time around, I wasn't comfortable in my own skin.  I wasn't secure in myself.  I had a hard time seeing in myself what others saw in me.  The result was that I couldn't understand why he was with me, couldn't believe it would last, and I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. It eventually did drop.  It took several years of changing and growing and learning to love myself before I was ready to accept love.  When I met up with my guy again, after almost seven years, we were both different people in a lot of ways.  The biggest change on my part was that I believe now that I am worth being loved.   He's lucky to have me.  I'm a damn good woman.  I've got my shyt together.  So I'm not a supermodel.  That's minor compared to what I am.  

Second lesson:  Jealousy is some bullshit.

Because I was insecure, I was also prone to trippin' whenever I felt that was an opportunity for someone else to move in on him.  Now I have a different attitude about that.  First, jealousy makes everyone involved crazy.  It makes you feel like shyt, and  it pushes him away.  There are no winners involved.  Second, he's with me by choice!  There are reasons for that, and a slick line and a fat ass shouldn't be able to fux with it.  If some chick can pull my man that easily, there are bigger problems at hand, and being jealous won't fix it.  Shyt needs a major overhaul in that case.  But jealousy?  Naw. That ain't sexy.

Third lesson:  Relationships are between the two people involved.

Your homies might mean well, but guaranteed, if you let them get in your ear, bullshit will follow!

Keep your business your business.  Talk things out with your man, not your girls.  They aren't the ones who can fix things.  

Fourth lesson:  Respect

Respect yourself, your man and your relationship.  Give it the place on the  priority list  it deserves.  Respect begets respect, so get the ball rolling.

Fifth lesson:  Fuck pride.

You can satisfy your pride or you can satisfy your man, but rarely both.  Choose.  I'm not saying throw away your integrity or self esteem or self respect.  I'm talking about no-sense-in-it, damn-if-I-apologize-first, I'll-show-you, pride.  It is corrosive.  It implies keeping score.  It's pointless.

Sixth lesson:  Let Your Man be the Man

Not popular with my Independent minded women, I'm sure.  I'm not talking about being a doormat.  It goes back to everything I've already said though.  And if you're willing to do your part as a Woman, and let him be a Man, beautiful things happen.  For me, it's about respecting his opinions and honoring his wishes.  When he was secure in my willingness to factor his views into my decisions, and include him in making decisions, the potential for compromise, the give and take space, grew exponentially.  

So that's that.  Love it or hate it.  It's working for us this rip.  

Blessings

A