Yes... that's my kid... *sigh*

It's been a minute.  For the record, school is OFFICIALLY kicking my ass.  I need better people, coz y'all shoulda talked me outta this summer semester nonsense.

Anyway....

I have blog material that has been marinating away in my wee brainy brain for better than a week now b/c I just didn't have a spare moment to post!  But tonight, I have broken away from my homework shackles and escaped into the blogosphere!!

So, it all starts with me at school last Tuesday.  I'm on my way home and Mr. Man texts me that there are power lines down on the side street by our house.  Power's out.  Storm is over.  Well, where I was in class, there were no clouds, much less a storm going on, so I hit him back for details.

Cut to me pulling up in front of the house.  Sure enough, the neighbor's tree is down in the middle of Peach Street, and it took the power line and two poles with it.  I also see my son, whom I love (honestly, I really do!) running around the yard looking like Mowgli... barefoot, no shirt, filthy, and dragging branches around the yard.  Before you ask, he was "building" a hut... no, I don't know why.  Sheesh.

Like any good mother, I tell him to get his little greenbean butt in the house and quit bringing everybody's branches in my dang yard!! I also told him to get a shirt and some shoes on.  Well, I get inside, and I think the boy is in his room playing with his matchbox cars when Mr. Man says, "Woooooow.... they sent a news crew."  Sure enough, a couple of the local stations find it necessary to cover the downed tree.  In all fairness, the storm took out power to a couple thousand homes and businesses, which considering we are in the middle of a cornfield is pretty wide spread, so I guess, since it is a cornfield, that counts as news.

Well the next thing I know, I see my dad (he lives in the basement) walking Roger the Rat Terrier past the dining room window.  First, that man never walks that dog.  Second, that man never walks that dog!!!  Did I mention the news crew?  Long story short: dad gets interviewed, my soul shrivels a little.

I see the news van pull off, and I think the worst is over.

No.  I am so totally wrong.

"Hey, there's another van... channel 3 this time," says Mr. Man.

"For God's sake, don't tell dad!" says me.

A very short while later, it hits me that the boy has been awfully quiet for an awfully long time.

"Ummmm, baby?" says Mr. Man, "You better look out the window...."

And what do I see when I look out the window?  

Lemme tell you.... I see Mowgli riding his bicycle on the street where the downed power lines and fallen tree are stretched out!!!  

"Oh for the love of God!!!!! Marc, go get him!!!!"

The child was riding down our driveway (about 25 feet away from any real danger), down the street smack in the middle of the news crew's shot, up the sidewalk and across the yard back to the driveway, over, and over, and over again in a blatant attempt to get on the news!  So Mr. Man goes and retrieves my media hungry child and brings his bad lil' butt back in the house.

It's not five minutes later.... "Daaaaannnnngggg..... baby, look out the window..."

Now before you think he was on his bike again, let me tell you, he does listen for the most part, and when the big man told him to put his bike up, he did.  However.... my child was in the yard, not 10 feet away from where the news crew was interviewing a dude from the county safety commission, serenading them ON HIS GUITAR with "Ol' Joe Clark."

"Dammit!! Get him back in here!"

We both go out after him this time.... bring him in, and tell him to stay put.

Another five minutes, and I hear the dog barking.  I look out, and the boy is walking the dog this time.  

"I got it baby..."  Mr. Man retrieves child for the third time.

I collapse in chair.  

The next day at work, my fellow nurses and I are talking about the storm and stuff.  The conversation turns to the news coverage.  One of the girls says, "I saw that on channel 3... and I said to my husband, 'Who let's their kid ride their bike around downed power lines?'"

And my soul dies a little more.... 

If you wanna see the kiddo's TV debut, click the link.  Forward to about the middle.... I'm so proud. o_O

Yeah.

There Are No Hurricanes in Cornfields!!

So this past Friday, my lil area of Cornfield was greatly disturbed by one mad bastard of a storm.  I was at work at the time.  My focus was on getting people into halls and away from windows and doors, so I hafta admit, I wasn't really paying all that much attention to the debris and detritus flying past the windows of the hospital. But it definitely tore shyt up! 

What has caught my attention in the aftermath is the debate over what to call the whole phenomenon.  I should enjoy this debate, because I love words, but it's got me pretty close to unhinged.  Let's start with the first term... coz this is the one that does it!

Inland Hurricane.... to me, this is an oxymoron.  It can only be an INLAND hurricane, you see, if it started out as a hurricane hurricane.  But as far as I know, no hurricanes have ever developed over the Mississippi River, or any of the bazillion man-made, Army Corps of Engineers lakes around here for that matter.  I'm pretty sure it takes a body of water larger than a duck pond to start one of these muthas up.  Granted, the storm cell behaved like a hurricane, but a true hurricane develops over a body of water.  I am in a CORNFIELD, east of the Mississippi, north of the Ohio, and west of Indiana....  NO large bodies of water in sight, ergo, no hurricane. Nah....

Now, the other two terms... never heard 'em before this week.  Derecho Storm and Mesocyclone. Sounds kinda cool.  Also sounds like somebody's making shyt up.  Not that they are... just sounds like it.  Which is fine.  I am a HUGE fan of made up words.  I send people to the OR at work all the time to get "surgerized."  My friend Dana is currently "pregnificated."  Mesocyclone just sounds like something I'd pull out of my bag of nonsense.  What lil bit of research I have done seems to indicate that it's an accurate term.  That doesn't mean it's stopped amusing me, tho!

But back to my original thought, NOT a hurricane.  No, no, no, no, no!!!  Not just coz of the semantics of the definition, either.  Because it messes with my sense of reality!  No hurricanes in the cornfield! Period.  They are not allowed.  We have enough shyt on our list of potential things to get screwed up.  For example: Tornados (our storm of choice, thank you!), Ice/Sleet/Snow combo, Floods, Field Fires, Heatwaves, Winter Cold Advisorys, Droughts, Thunderstorms, hell, even Earthquakes....  No Hurricanes, dammit!  That's a beach thing! An ocean thing! Not a Cornfield thing!  

So there you have it, I have declared the whole hurricane business to be bullshyt.  We'll go with Mesocyclone, if we must.  I'll add it to the above list of random crap Mother Nature can toss at us on her whim, but again...  don't try n tell me this shyt was a hurricane! 

*exits, muttering, "next gonna be tellin me my attic's in the basement.....hurricane my azzz!" slams door*