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Tuesday, May 12, 2009

There Are No Hurricanes in Cornfields!!


So this past Friday, my lil area of Cornfield was greatly disturbed by one mad bastard of a storm.  I was at work at the time.  My focus was on getting people into halls and away from windows and doors, so I hafta admit, I wasn't really paying all that much attention to the debris and detritus flying past the windows of the hospital. But it definitely tore shyt up! 

What has caught my attention in the aftermath is the debate over what to call the whole phenomenon.  I should enjoy this debate, because I love words, but it's got me pretty close to unhinged.  Let's start with the first term... coz this is the one that does it!

Inland Hurricane.... to me, this is an oxymoron.  It can only be an INLAND hurricane, you see, if it started out as a hurricane hurricane.  But as far as I know, no hurricanes have ever developed over the Mississippi River, or any of the bazillion man-made, Army Corps of Engineers lakes around here for that matter.  I'm pretty sure it takes a body of water larger than a duck pond to start one of these muthas up.  Granted, the storm cell behaved like a hurricane, but a true hurricane develops over a body of water.  I am in a CORNFIELD, east of the Mississippi, north of the Ohio, and west of Indiana....  NO large bodies of water in sight, ergo, no hurricane. Nah....

Now, the other two terms... never heard 'em before this week.  Derecho Storm and Mesocyclone. Sounds kinda cool.  Also sounds like somebody's making shyt up.  Not that they are... just sounds like it.  Which is fine.  I am a HUGE fan of made up words.  I send people to the OR at work all the time to get "surgerized."  My friend Dana is currently "pregnificated."  Mesocyclone just sounds like something I'd pull out of my bag of nonsense.  What lil bit of research I have done seems to indicate that it's an accurate term.  That doesn't mean it's stopped amusing me, tho!

But back to my original thought, NOT a hurricane.  No, no, no, no, no!!!  Not just coz of the semantics of the definition, either.  Because it messes with my sense of reality!  No hurricanes in the cornfield! Period.  They are not allowed.  We have enough shyt on our list of potential things to get screwed up.  For example: Tornados (our storm of choice, thank you!), Ice/Sleet/Snow combo, Floods, Field Fires, Heatwaves, Winter Cold Advisorys, Droughts, Thunderstorms, hell, even Earthquakes....  No Hurricanes, dammit!  That's a beach thing! An ocean thing! Not a Cornfield thing!  

So there you have it, I have declared the whole hurricane business to be bullshyt.  We'll go with Mesocyclone, if we must.  I'll add it to the above list of random crap Mother Nature can toss at us on her whim, but again...  don't try n tell me this shyt was a hurricane! 

*exits, muttering, "next gonna be tellin me my attic's in the basement.....hurricane my azzz!" slams door*

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1 Comments:

Blogger NaturallyAlise said...

LMAO, at your muttering at the end!!!

May 12, 2009 at 5:20 PM  

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