I should be doing homework....

...and isn't that a pitiful thing to be saying on a Saturday night??? But it's true. And that makes me feel profoundly irritable!!  Mr. Man is off to do his DJ thing in Sikeston, the kiddo is at a swimming party, and all I can think is, "Awesome! The house is quiet. Maybe I can get that last spreadsheet done for my computer science class, and then I can start on the next module..." My next thought is, "Wow... what a nerd I am!"

Which is probably why Rebellious Me has taken control and is writing a blog post instead of crunching make believe data for a pretend travel agency into an Excel spreadsheet.  I could be wrong, but nah... that's why.

And I haven't even anything worthwhile to blog about.  My brain, which I normally engage for foolery and ratchetness,  is otherwise engaged with scholastic minutiae.  My wit has been subjugated to theory and evidence based practice.  I am thinking in terms of APA format.  I caught myself starting to add citations and references to my mother lovin' gchat, for crying out loud!  It's gonna be a long two years.  And the kicker, if I could somehow stop sleeping and eating altogether, and find a way to manage a full time class load, I'd be done this time next year.  Done, dammit!!  But I'm too old to get down like that anymore.

Speaking of gchat, if it weren't for Alise randomly popping up on my screen as I worked, I would probably have come unwound already.  Thank you, Sis, for saving my insanity. (Yes, insanity.)

Well, Practical Me is taking over again.  She says that since we like sleep and plan to do that at some point tonight, we must get back to the homework.  By the way, the picture has nothing to do with the post, it just amused the mess out of me.

NaturallyAlise... is 11 years, 1 day younger than me...

...which means, of course, today is the 10th Anniversary of her 21st BornDay!!

So everyone go check out her blog and drop a few lines of poetry in the comments!!  In the meantime, check out her latest poem.  You can find Alise here and here!

My Second 21st BornDay!

First the bad news... I gotta work on my BornDay. *boo*


Now the good news... Absolutely everyone I love and care about remembered it was my BornDay!  


Of course, many of them had Facebook reminding them.... but that's ok, too.  Because I am the absolute worst at remembering birthdays and anniversaries and whatnot.  So I totally don't consider that cheating!!  In fact, I think that Facebook's little birthday reminders are probably saving relationships the world over!  Kudos, Facey!


I'm at an age now where lots of folks, especially us chicks... don't front, you know I'm not lying... well, lots of us start hedging around the whole birthday/aging/real age topic.  Not me! It seems like a cliche, but most cliches are cliches b/c they are true at some level... anyway, life just keeps getting better!!  


Don't get me wrong, I still have the typical human type ups and downs, just like everybody else.  I just find that for the most part, I like who I am a lot more now than when I was younger.  I am more comfortable in my own skin. 


The older I get, the more I realize there isn't infinite time to get caught up in peripheral bullsnit.  
The older I get, the less likely I am to keep my opinions to myself.
The older I get, the more likely I am to stand up for what I believe.
The older I get, the better I am able to express myself honestly without hurting others in the process.
The older I get, the better I distinguish between what matters and what doesn't.
The older I get, the better I am at recognizing what is genuine. (No Ginuwine... this is a babyhurr free zone!)


Other awesome things that have happened since last BornDay:


I have developed and fostered several new friendships, many as a direct result of the Twittuh and Faceybook and Blogging!  #Shoutout to the ePosse!! 


I have learned how to let go and act a fool!! Interestingly enough, your sense of humor is a muscle, apparently, and it will atrophy with disuse... but trynna keep up with the wit of some of my eFamily has got that mufugga ripped!! Damb a six-pack, my sense of humor is sportin' a case, I tell ya!!


My creativity and love of writing and words has been tapped again!!  I used to dream of being a "real" writer. I guess what I never knew is that I already was a real writer... I just hafta work at it.  That doesn't mean I will ever actually be published, but hell... who needs that when the world has Blogger and Wordpress??  I'm good!  I don't ever intend to support myself by writing, it just makes me happy!  


So these are my Thank you for making my world a better place shoutouts:

• Eli, my son makes the world wonderful!
• Marc, my boo... drives me crazy in ways good, bad and ugly!! (Luv ya boo!)
• My Dad and Fathead Brother... they support me, aggravate me, entertain me... all the things a Dad and Fathead Brother should do.
• The ePosse, ThePBG, NaturallyAlise, and Awesomely Luvvie... these ladies have forced me to step up my Ig, sharpen my wit, stay relevant, and blog, blog, blog!!
• NaturallyAlise, individually, because she is not only my Cosmic Twin, she has been subjected to my poetry in all its varied states: good, bad, raw, crappy, unfinished, inspired, in development... you get the idea.  And she has never not even one time said, "HEFFA PUHLEEZ!!"  And for that I thank her!
• My Ranch/KFC homies! You guys make the work world an awesome place to be! Now, let's get out there and fix us some sick people!!
• Everyone who reads my blogs.  I am constantly and sincerely amazed and gratified that anyone anywhere gives a good gahtdamb bout what I have to say... much less that they enjoy it!  I love y'all, for realz for realz!!

Ok, that's about all I've got for today...

Make sure y'all remember to laugh and be ignant!!  Thanks for making my corner of the innanets a great place to live! 

More from the Side Eye Hall of Honor...

Last time we looked in on these hallowed halls, it was pretty much just a random happening.  This is a deliberate reprise.  Now, I will forewarn you, there is one Side Eye which is glaringly missing.  It ain't for lack of tryin'... but since she's had a lot on her plate, I'ma give her a pass (we have ferocity from eLuvvie, instead).  But despair not, I have Side Eye a-plenty!

First... we have the Lethal Look  reppin' the District of Columbia.  This look has been honed by years of laser sharp wit and a bullsnit detector bar none.  It screams, "Go head, then... if you're craaaazy..."

Behold The PBG! (Twitter @thepbg)

Our next two Side Eye Samurai hail from North Carolina.  Ignance is their stock in trade.  Please don't make the mistake of thinking you can prevail in a battle of wits with either.... they grow 'em merciless down there, apparently!


This gentleman makes one beg the question... is Rude necessarily Wrong?

Crownie McLocsface... Master of the Side Eye/Stank Face combo! Soul crushing, ain't it? (Twitter @crownieisRUDE)

Also hailing from NC, my sister from another mister... NaturallyAlise!!  Now this isn't a traditional, lookin' at you like you short style Side Eye.  
This is her "I'm slaying hoes effortlessly" Side Eye.  

NaturallyAlise trynna look innocent, but she knows she's bout to be on some ho-sh*t! (Twitter @NaturallyAlise)

This is the place where we should be dazzled by the brilliance of the Side Eye of Awesomely Luvvie.... instead, we have an image of one of her AwesomelyLuvvie Tees!  Getchu one... here's the link to her SpreadShirt online store:  LINK!

(Twitter @luvvieig)

And here's Luvvie's eSelf giving the Side Eye of Devastation!   

Now here's a Side Eye near and dear to my heart... It's because I can take credit for the nurturing of this Side Eye, it's development and growth... my own dear son.  No, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.  *Single Tear*

Awesome!

And it seems that he is making an attempt at the Side Eye/Stank Face Combination as well... must be a guy thing!


No Twitter for this lil' man... at least not yet!


And finally... one of my own.  I only aspire to have true Side Eye greatness one day.... in the meantime,
this is me.

(Twitter @amymay117)

Which is still closely related to this:

Yeah.... I love that Cat!!

Come back tomorrow for the BornDay Breakdown.... 42 and still acting like 35.  What? I was a late bloomer!!

By the way, click the pics of Peebz, Alise, and Luvvie for links to their fantastic blogs!

You can also check Peebz and Luvvie out on The Fresh Xpress!

Blog Swap Monday: Meet my Cosmic Twin, NaturallyAlise

Blogger's Note:  Alise and I are swapping posts today.  You can see what I had to say on her blog Black Woman Lost and Found!  BTW, I am a fat kid.  Fat kids love cake.  I love Alise MORE than I love cake... do the math!


The internet can sometimes be a mysterious, murky, macabre, melancholy, muh-fugging mess of a place.  However, not with my internet crew.  We are a lovely bunch of coconuts, emphasis on nuts.  Let me tell you about one of my lovely unlikely kindred spirits who I am swapping blogs with today...  AMY!  She is the wasabi to my sushi, the ham to my burger, the spicy to my Thai (dang, Precious I'm Hongree!), the ho to my sh*t, the Ru to my Paul, and the Pooh to my Phonte.  The funny thing is for all the ways we seem like we would be opposite, we are eerily and spookily alike.

I jokingly call Amy my melanin-deficient twin sister.  Check out our kindred-spiritness:

My birthday is May 7th, hers May 6th...  we are 11 years and 1 day apart....  spooky right?

We both have an unhealthy obsession with Thai food.

We both have an unhealthy obsession with Erykah Badu.  She is the patron saint of awesomeness.  Recognize.

We love the exact same hip-hop, even down to the old school stuff.

Both our names start with A... we like vowels.

We both have "favorite words" that we like just because how they sound... for example some of my favorite words are: voucher, macabre unconscionable, ennui.....  yeah, I'm a nerd, don't judge me.

We both love us some husky black men...  we like something to hold on to!!!

Who'd of thunk white girl Amy from the cornfield in Illinois would hook up with black girl Afro Aficianado Alise in North Carolina and form an awesome and treasured friendship/kinship.  I love my Amy; her advice and ear have gotten me through a rough patch and I am so glad to call her sister. *Cue the violins*

*Exits stage left, dramatically faints*
(Last week Amy called me "Dramatic McThespian", lol)
--

~Naturally Alise~

Visit me at:http://blackwomanlost.blogspot.com
http://naturallyalise.blogspot.com

And what you didn't know is that I'm just getting started!!!

So here we are at post number 101.  You might think that I would be running out of things to say.  You would be wrong.  I'm pretty sure I will never run out of random!  I'm having too much fun here in my lil' corner of the innanets to stop now!

This week is a special week for my eTwin, the poetic, awesome NaturallyAlise and I.  It's our BornDay Week! (Yes, we get a whole week to celebrate coz we are awesome and whatnot.)  So, in honor of the best week in the entire year, Alise and I are swapping posts on each other's blogs.  I am sure there will be more foolishment in the works, we just haven't finished plotting out how we're gonna  scam cool presents out of unsuspecting strangers  make this BornDay Week memorable.  One thing I know for sure is that we are gonna revisit the Side-Eye Hall of Honor.  I have a few more Side-Eyes of Greatness to share with you... I've only held off on that this long because some of my honorees have yet to get me a picture (I'm lookin' at YOU, Luvvie!!)  That will probably be on Wednesday.  Then Thursday and Friday will be the BornDay tributes.... or somesuch nonsense.


So be sure to check back in this week... coz you love me. 
And I'm cute.  

Adventures in *Side Eye* o_O

Preface:  I know I am usually hard pressed to post twice in one week, much less in one day, but there must be an exception to every rule, so read on!
Sometimes I comb Google Images for images for my blogs.  Every now and then, I come across some gems. Today I was merely looking for funny facial expressions to use as punctuation for future foolery.  You know, examples of the *side eye*, the *blank stare*, and the *WTF face*.


For a while now, it has been accepted as gospel that Lady Cameroon is the penultimate example of  *side eye* perfection. 

But as I searched today..... well I found some *side eyes* that both impressed and confused me.

Let's begin with the impressive...

She may be adopted, but when it comes to the *side eye*, perhaps nurture outweighs nature?

                 

Zahara picked up that ground levelling *side eye* somewhere, did she not?  Angelina, you taught her well. Kudos to you!!!
But, ummm, let's address that thumb sucking thing Miss Shiloh is rockin'.... mama still has work to do!

Now, how about a mama who has guided both of her girls well into 

The Way of The Side Eye....

I   don't givvadamb if you like the president's politics or not.

I don't care who says what....

Michelle Obama's Side Eye gives me Life!!  

Michelle Obama's Side Eye says more than the entire contents of Wikipedia!

I aspire to the Side Eye Mastery she posesses.  And the girls are obviously on their way to Side Eye greatness!

My one (true) male representative in the Side Eye Gallery of Greatness is the late legendary Bernie Mac.  Tell me this Side Eye isn't fierce...

Ouch!! You can almost feel the heat off that one!!

Now.... I have another Side Eye that can technically be called male, but c'mon, shim's too MUCH to fall into one category.  Ladies and Gentlemen, I present the Side Eye Greatness that is.... RuPaul!!!

You Betta WORK!!!!

And while we're on the subject of Shim's Fierceness.... this next image just made me cackle for no good reason whatsoever.

The next two entries are the Anonymous but Awesome Side Eyes of Fury.

I wanna know who trained these young ladies, because by the time they're grown, their Side Eye Game will have reached epic proportions of lethality!  

And finally, the image I found confusing...

I'll tell ya how to find it.  Go to Google Images, search the term side eye.  Scroll to the bottom and click on page 9.  Again scroll down, and on the bottom left corner, you find this:

Miss NaturallyAlise herself!!

Now, believe me when I say, Alise is in posession of a Grand Champion Side Eye.

But people.... this is sooooooo not it!!!

This is a picture of Alise lookin' all sweet, smiling (don't let it fool ya) with her hairhat looking all emollient and whatnot.

This is Alise in all her pretty, poetic glory.

No Side Eye Here.

---------none.

Which made me make this face:

Edit:  Alise got at me on Google Chat, and being the incredible friend that she is, provided me with a link to a pic of her on TwitPic that shows her in all of her Side Eye Grandeur....

Behold!! The Side Eye of Death!

That's right! It's piercing, sharp, relentless! Be Amazed!!

So, who do you think is giving the Fiercest Side Eye of them all?  Discuss amongst yourself n allathatthere.


If you think you have a contender for Fiercest Side Eye in the History of Ever,
send 'em in to amymay117@gmail.com

I'm afraid of my brain...

Ok, this train of thought started this morning. It's another example of my self-diagnosed ADD. I intended at some point to write about how I start stuff and then get side tracked. But I got side tracked. First by the whole being a bad stan thing, then by Facebook (damn you, Mafia Wars!!) then by G-Chat with Alise, which led me to write something I sent to her.

Then of course, I had to attend to the little things in life, like, I dunno.... the fact that I have a child who must be cared for and fed and attended to and whatnot. Not to mention that he needed to practice his guitar, b/c his slacker of a mother didn't make him practice at all on Friday or Saturday.

Soooooo..... here I am, at 9 pm, writing what I intended to write at 7 am. Now, where was I?

Oh, yeah... my brain is a scary place. It is like an amusement park ride in poor repair. You know, like the travelling carnivals that make you pray they don't throw parts until after YOU get off the dang ride. That kind.

Anyway, I started to blame this on being a nurse. B/c when you are a nurse on a busy medical floor, you have to be able to juggle, multitask and prioritize simultaneously... patient A needs pain meds, patient B just came up from ER and has to be admitted, patient C is being discharged and is anxious to get home, D, E and F are just plain ol' sick and need stuff. You kinda just have to go and figure it all out on the run. Then I realized, no... the whole ADD thing started way before nursing. I'm pretty sure having it is an asset in that sense, actually.

But that doesn't change the fact that a person could get hurt up there in my ol' gray matter. It's cluttered and nothing stays where I put it. Kinda like my house. Which leads me to another thought... I really need to tackle my closets and Eli's room.

Eli's room is an even scarier place than my mind. It is literally a universe of its own. It has its own gravitational pull and nothing escapes it. Imagine swirling galaxies, if you will... it's a very young universe, therefore chaotic and lacking organization.

Sorta like my brain. Which leads me back to the topic... I can't stay focused on one thing longer than five minutes today.

Now what was I talking about?

I'm a bad stan....

I woke up this morning, and while I made the first pot of coffee, I was struck by a thought. I don't know where it came from.... I never really know, that's how my brain works. Anyhooo.... the thought was about another blog I read n stan hard for... Oh Hell Nawl.

A while back, they had an anniversary n whatnot. They asked readers to let them know how/why/what, and all that there, about how the readers came to OHN n what kept them coming back n stuff.... At the time, I really thought I came to find OHN through Luvvie (Luv gets the blame for a lot of ignance she ain't start), but this morning... for some reason, I remembered where I REALLY heard about OHN. It wasn't the LuvBug at all! Not that she isn't awesome... just that she's not the one to blame for my lurking and occasional comments over yonder... which led me to be filled with shame at a crime of omission on my part!!

Follow me here... coz my mind can be a scary place. This is pretty much where the train jumps the tracks...

My introduction to OHN was by a passing remark on Twitter from The PBG. The shame I feel and my crime of omission are not that I gave credit/blame to the wrong person for leading me to OHN.... not at all, but because that caused another random thought to blip across my brain.

I had never truly acknowledged that I stan hard for The PBG's blogs! I have mentioned NaturallyAlise numerous times. I wrote a welcome home post when Luvvie went on vacay this summer. Yet, I have totally neglected to acknowledge and thank the person who left the very first comment on my blog and was my very first follower!!

The PBG is probably one of the coolest people I have encountered on the intrawebs.... She is intelligent, wise, straightforward and funnier that any one person ought to be. She has three blogs... which I have linked through out this post.

Hey, You Asked... is an advice blog. She has this way of cutting through the bs and telling ya what you really need to hear... the truth!! Fifty-two(52)Flavors is her nail blog. Shoot... she convinced me, a nurse, that I could keep my nails looking great, even if I do wash my hands 183 times a day. And then there's See, What Had Happened Was.... which is mostly random life kinda ignance.

I should be mollywhopped for taking so long to give The PBG her props... because she's the bees knees! And I appreciated her encouragement. And she's totally the coolest!

So here it is, for what it's worth... I Stan Hard for The PBG and the whole ePosse. And thank you, Miss Ma'am! You're the Bestest!!

Boy did I learn my lesson.....

So last nite, from work in the ER, during an exceedingly deceptive lull in the action, I post the following status on my Facebook "is at the ER wrkn ALL nite!"  using my crackberry.  

Well, my ePartner in ATHF tomfoolery, Alise, comments on my status... "no ATHF tonight??? noooooooooo...*wall slides*"

So, what do I do?  The little wheels in my head start to turnin' and smoke billows outta my ears as I hatch a genius (yeah, right) plot to MAKE IT HAPPEN!  I NEED my Meatwad fix!! (Alise is a Master Shake kinda girl).

So I Tweet my intentions!  "@naturallyalise as long as things don't get nuts here, I got my crackberry n a TV in the waiting room."

Key phrase being "as long as things don't get nuts here....."  ummmmmhmmmm.....  That's what I said.  I sure did.  In an ER, I said that.....

No sooner did I hit send than the ambulance toned out.  Hip fracture.  Next thru the door, a little case of kidney failure.  Then came the parade of sprains, coughs, toothaches (yea, toothaches) and paranoid moms with sniffle havin' babies.  

By the time we had the ER emptied out and there was peace in the valley once more, it was going on 3 am.  

So what did I learn?

1.  When it's "quiet" in the ER, it's a trick.

2.  Don't tempt the ER fates by Tweeting your intentions to watch ATHF....just do it!

3.  Sometimes, you gotta work at work.....  nuts.