I'm afraid of my brain...

Ok, this train of thought started this morning. It's another example of my self-diagnosed ADD. I intended at some point to write about how I start stuff and then get side tracked. But I got side tracked. First by the whole being a bad stan thing, then by Facebook (damn you, Mafia Wars!!) then by G-Chat with Alise, which led me to write something I sent to her.

Then of course, I had to attend to the little things in life, like, I dunno.... the fact that I have a child who must be cared for and fed and attended to and whatnot. Not to mention that he needed to practice his guitar, b/c his slacker of a mother didn't make him practice at all on Friday or Saturday.

Soooooo..... here I am, at 9 pm, writing what I intended to write at 7 am. Now, where was I?

Oh, yeah... my brain is a scary place. It is like an amusement park ride in poor repair. You know, like the travelling carnivals that make you pray they don't throw parts until after YOU get off the dang ride. That kind.

Anyway, I started to blame this on being a nurse. B/c when you are a nurse on a busy medical floor, you have to be able to juggle, multitask and prioritize simultaneously... patient A needs pain meds, patient B just came up from ER and has to be admitted, patient C is being discharged and is anxious to get home, D, E and F are just plain ol' sick and need stuff. You kinda just have to go and figure it all out on the run. Then I realized, no... the whole ADD thing started way before nursing. I'm pretty sure having it is an asset in that sense, actually.

But that doesn't change the fact that a person could get hurt up there in my ol' gray matter. It's cluttered and nothing stays where I put it. Kinda like my house. Which leads me to another thought... I really need to tackle my closets and Eli's room.

Eli's room is an even scarier place than my mind. It is literally a universe of its own. It has its own gravitational pull and nothing escapes it. Imagine swirling galaxies, if you will... it's a very young universe, therefore chaotic and lacking organization.

Sorta like my brain. Which leads me back to the topic... I can't stay focused on one thing longer than five minutes today.

Now what was I talking about?

Hey, it's serious talk time again, kids!

So, some of you know where this post is going already...  It's time to talk about HIV/AIDS again.  

I like to pretend sometimes that more than five people read my blog.  Therefore, I'm gonna give some information to you like it's gonna reach people who need to have it.  

My area of the cornfield is pretty rural and remote.  The nearest "big" city is St. Louis, MO.  Other than that, our big attraction is Southern Illinois University (Go Salukis!).  That's not to say that we're completely back-ass-wards, but hey.... our resources are sometimes hard to find.

This is a link to the Southern Illinois HIV Consortium.  It actually functions, I believe, under the umbrella of the Jackson County Health Department.  I know it services the South 19 counties of Illinois.  Among the services offered are testing, counselling, treatment adherence support, education and awareness programs.  I don't have permission to quote their mission goals, but let me just say that they are committed to helping those who have HIV live full and satisfying lives.  They offer programs encompassing both medical and social services.

Next, here's some information on an upcoming date.  National HIV Testing Day is coming up June 17.  I would love it if everyone who reads this post would encourage folks to get tested and know their status.  Having said this, I can hear the grumbling already! "I don't know anyone in a high risk group.  I don't want to get into other people's business." Blahblahblahblahblah!

Let me ask a few questions.....

Have you ever had even the slightest suspicion of your partner's fidelity?  Have you ever gotten "caught up" in the moment?  Are you sure your partner never had high risk sex or used injectable drugs before you hooked up?  Are you SURE?

Get tested!  Know your status! Know your partner's status!

Finally, I am still championing The Red Pump Project, and in fact, am the Ambassador for the Cornfield and surrounding area.  I would love my local chicas to get behind this project, too.  We could do some girls' nite out kinda stuff and promote education, prevention and awareness at the same time!  Check out the website and get involved.  Shoot me ideas about events and activities we could get behind!  I'd love to hear from you!  Hit me up on my e-mail amymay117@gmail.com

If you didn't wanna know, why did you ask???

It irritates the living hell outta me when the people occupying my space ask me for advice or an opinion and then go on to completely dismiss whatever position I happen to take.  Now, I know, for the most part, when that happens, the person involved usually has her/his mind made up before hand and is simply looking for someone to cosign.  I get it.  But if that's what you're looking for, I am not the one.  Coz Imma tell ya what I really think, and Good Lord help ya if it blows up in ya face, coz Imma tell ya about yourself all over again when it does, with a big dose of "I TOLD you!"

See, I love to be right.  LOVE IT!!  I used to go to enormous lengths to prove how right I was, even if I wasn't.....I have made some progress toward humility and whatnot in recent years, but dayum...I still love to be right.  

So, when my fathead brother tells me he's interested in a new chick, shows me a pic of her online and she looks EXACTLY like his last two ex-wives, do you think I kept my mouth shut?  I did, until he asked the magic question, "Well, what do you think?"  Then, I let him have my honest opinion.  The following is the ensuing conversation.

me:  "I think you're remarkably consistent..."

fhb:  "But what do you think of her?"

me:  "What I said, you're consistent.  Haven't you married this same chick twice already?"

fhb:  "How do you know what she's like?"

me:  "I don't, but she LOOKS just like the last two.  Why you always looking to start up a new relationship anyway?  You haven't been by yourself more than a month since you knocked up Number 1 in highschool.  And you suck at this shit, man!! Let it alone!"

fhb:  "Wow. Ok.  Well...guess I'm gonna call her then..."

Five minutes of my life I will never have back.  

**The chick in the pic is NOT the chick in the blog...it's fhb's last girlfriend (she lasted an entire 6 months, whoa!).  She really looks nothing like wives #2 & #3.