Imagine my chagrin....

I want to blog.  Honest to socks, I do.  I promise.  But summer semester starts tomorrow.  I logged into Blackboard today to check the syllabus for one of my classes.  And what do you think I found? Hmmm... It's okay.  I'll wait.

I found that my online class already has the first test posted.  So instead of writing a real post, I will be reading.

Don't miss me too much.

The Biggest Kitten I've Ever Seen

So first we must establish that I am not above bribing my child.  Not at all.  I don't have a problem in the world with dangling a carrot in front of his face.  Some people try to call this type of parental Jedi Mind Trick by more acceptable euphamisms... positive reinforcement, goal setting, that kinda crap.  I say bullsnit!  Call it what it is, I say!  It's a bribe.  Plain and simple.  And I'm totally ok with that.  It works.


Now that we have established that I openly and unashamedly bribe the boy, we can get on with the rest of the story.


The boy got hit most severely with spring fever.  So the last couple of months of school turned into a challenge to his ability to sit still.  This resulted in his "turning cards" on a couple of occasions.  Mama doesn't like that.  At first, I tried the "hit him where he lives" method.  Taking away his Wii, his bike, not letting him go play with his buddies.  That was moderately successful, but in the long run, it made me feel like I was always coming in after the fact and being the bad guy.  I didn't like that.  So, I reverted to my favorite form of behavior modification... I told him if he could get through the last month of school without turning any cards, he could get a kitten.  (This is where I refer you to a previous post for further illumination.)


Well, I reminded him what he was working toward every day.  I also told him clearly what his responsibilities would be if he managed to get a kitten.  And he did it.  He pulled it off.  So I had to hold up my end of the deal and produce the goods... well, the kitten.


Now, I might hate that damb ASPCA commercial, but I do agree that there isn't any better place to find a new pet than a shelter or rescue center.  So off we went.  As expected, there was plenty of oooh-ing and aaahh-ing over the baby kitties.  Petting and holding and playing and general cuteness, allathat there... But there were also adult cats that he made over.  So after an hour or more, I finally asked which one he wanted to take home.  I really expected him to choose this little black and white ball of fluff with a really sweet face.
But much to my surprise, he pointed down at his feet.  "I want this one, Mama."


An adult cat.  A fat, snuggly adult cat.  "She likes me.  She wants to be my cat."  How do you argue with that?
The man who runs the shelter asked, "What are ya gonna call her?"  Without hesitation, E answered, "GramCrackers."


Yeah, I don't get it either, but it amuses me.  I like to call her Cracka A. Craka in a *Chris Rock voice*.  I've been quit by at least 3 of my friends over that one.  Mostly we just call her Crackers.  Considering this is the same child who named our rat terrier Roger, I'm actually kinda ok with the name.


Anyway... Meet the big "kitten."  

Now, I have the rest of the summer to figure out what I'm gonna use to bribe him next school year....

Random Nerd Alert

It's like an Amber Alert, only not.  No one's missing.  It's really only like an Amber Alert in that it's an alert.  And since it's random and alerts you to nerdness, it really has no practical value whatsoever.  So take it for what it's worth.  


Anyway, here's the random nerdness:  I am a geek who loves school.  I just like knowing stuff.  School is to Amy as crack is to Pookie.  It bees callin' me...  I've been off my school (crack) since 2005, with the exception of scattered classes now and again. 


But June 1, I'm off the wagon!

I figured it was time to quit piece mealing and get on with things.  So, I'm diving back into higher education to finish up the coveted BSN.  McKendree University, here I come.  Well... to a satellite campus near you, actually.  

Why now?  It's time, and I really hope it makes me a better RN.

 Didn't know that's what that stood for, didja?  You thought it meant Registered Nurse.  Well, some folks say that's what it means, but I prefer Rescue Ninja, personally... I fix the sick people in stealth mode!

Summer semester looks pretty manageable.  Fall has me a little worried.  Statistics and Nursing Research with a notorious teacher... who also happens to work at the same hospital as I do.  So, there's some anxiety there.

And as if I needed anything more to prove my geek/nerdness, am I wrong for being excited about this:

 

McKendree University totally has a BOWLING TEAM!!!  Can it get any more awesome than that??

NaturallyAlise... is 11 years, 1 day younger than me...

...which means, of course, today is the 10th Anniversary of her 21st BornDay!!

So everyone go check out her blog and drop a few lines of poetry in the comments!!  In the meantime, check out her latest poem.  You can find Alise here and here!

My Second 21st BornDay!

First the bad news... I gotta work on my BornDay. *boo*


Now the good news... Absolutely everyone I love and care about remembered it was my BornDay!  


Of course, many of them had Facebook reminding them.... but that's ok, too.  Because I am the absolute worst at remembering birthdays and anniversaries and whatnot.  So I totally don't consider that cheating!!  In fact, I think that Facebook's little birthday reminders are probably saving relationships the world over!  Kudos, Facey!


I'm at an age now where lots of folks, especially us chicks... don't front, you know I'm not lying... well, lots of us start hedging around the whole birthday/aging/real age topic.  Not me! It seems like a cliche, but most cliches are cliches b/c they are true at some level... anyway, life just keeps getting better!!  


Don't get me wrong, I still have the typical human type ups and downs, just like everybody else.  I just find that for the most part, I like who I am a lot more now than when I was younger.  I am more comfortable in my own skin. 


The older I get, the more I realize there isn't infinite time to get caught up in peripheral bullsnit.  
The older I get, the less likely I am to keep my opinions to myself.
The older I get, the more likely I am to stand up for what I believe.
The older I get, the better I am able to express myself honestly without hurting others in the process.
The older I get, the better I distinguish between what matters and what doesn't.
The older I get, the better I am at recognizing what is genuine. (No Ginuwine... this is a babyhurr free zone!)


Other awesome things that have happened since last BornDay:


I have developed and fostered several new friendships, many as a direct result of the Twittuh and Faceybook and Blogging!  #Shoutout to the ePosse!! 


I have learned how to let go and act a fool!! Interestingly enough, your sense of humor is a muscle, apparently, and it will atrophy with disuse... but trynna keep up with the wit of some of my eFamily has got that mufugga ripped!! Damb a six-pack, my sense of humor is sportin' a case, I tell ya!!


My creativity and love of writing and words has been tapped again!!  I used to dream of being a "real" writer. I guess what I never knew is that I already was a real writer... I just hafta work at it.  That doesn't mean I will ever actually be published, but hell... who needs that when the world has Blogger and Wordpress??  I'm good!  I don't ever intend to support myself by writing, it just makes me happy!  


So these are my Thank you for making my world a better place shoutouts:

• Eli, my son makes the world wonderful!
• Marc, my boo... drives me crazy in ways good, bad and ugly!! (Luv ya boo!)
• My Dad and Fathead Brother... they support me, aggravate me, entertain me... all the things a Dad and Fathead Brother should do.
• The ePosse, ThePBG, NaturallyAlise, and Awesomely Luvvie... these ladies have forced me to step up my Ig, sharpen my wit, stay relevant, and blog, blog, blog!!
• NaturallyAlise, individually, because she is not only my Cosmic Twin, she has been subjected to my poetry in all its varied states: good, bad, raw, crappy, unfinished, inspired, in development... you get the idea.  And she has never not even one time said, "HEFFA PUHLEEZ!!"  And for that I thank her!
• My Ranch/KFC homies! You guys make the work world an awesome place to be! Now, let's get out there and fix us some sick people!!
• Everyone who reads my blogs.  I am constantly and sincerely amazed and gratified that anyone anywhere gives a good gahtdamb bout what I have to say... much less that they enjoy it!  I love y'all, for realz for realz!!

Ok, that's about all I've got for today...

Make sure y'all remember to laugh and be ignant!!  Thanks for making my corner of the innanets a great place to live! 

More from the Side Eye Hall of Honor...

Last time we looked in on these hallowed halls, it was pretty much just a random happening.  This is a deliberate reprise.  Now, I will forewarn you, there is one Side Eye which is glaringly missing.  It ain't for lack of tryin'... but since she's had a lot on her plate, I'ma give her a pass (we have ferocity from eLuvvie, instead).  But despair not, I have Side Eye a-plenty!

First... we have the Lethal Look  reppin' the District of Columbia.  This look has been honed by years of laser sharp wit and a bullsnit detector bar none.  It screams, "Go head, then... if you're craaaazy..."

Behold The PBG! (Twitter @thepbg)

Our next two Side Eye Samurai hail from North Carolina.  Ignance is their stock in trade.  Please don't make the mistake of thinking you can prevail in a battle of wits with either.... they grow 'em merciless down there, apparently!


This gentleman makes one beg the question... is Rude necessarily Wrong?

Crownie McLocsface... Master of the Side Eye/Stank Face combo! Soul crushing, ain't it? (Twitter @crownieisRUDE)

Also hailing from NC, my sister from another mister... NaturallyAlise!!  Now this isn't a traditional, lookin' at you like you short style Side Eye.  
This is her "I'm slaying hoes effortlessly" Side Eye.  

NaturallyAlise trynna look innocent, but she knows she's bout to be on some ho-sh*t! (Twitter @NaturallyAlise)

This is the place where we should be dazzled by the brilliance of the Side Eye of Awesomely Luvvie.... instead, we have an image of one of her AwesomelyLuvvie Tees!  Getchu one... here's the link to her SpreadShirt online store:  LINK!

(Twitter @luvvieig)

And here's Luvvie's eSelf giving the Side Eye of Devastation!   

Now here's a Side Eye near and dear to my heart... It's because I can take credit for the nurturing of this Side Eye, it's development and growth... my own dear son.  No, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.  *Single Tear*

Awesome!

And it seems that he is making an attempt at the Side Eye/Stank Face Combination as well... must be a guy thing!


No Twitter for this lil' man... at least not yet!


And finally... one of my own.  I only aspire to have true Side Eye greatness one day.... in the meantime,
this is me.

(Twitter @amymay117)

Which is still closely related to this:

Yeah.... I love that Cat!!

Come back tomorrow for the BornDay Breakdown.... 42 and still acting like 35.  What? I was a late bloomer!!

By the way, click the pics of Peebz, Alise, and Luvvie for links to their fantastic blogs!

You can also check Peebz and Luvvie out on The Fresh Xpress!

Blog Swap Monday: Meet my Cosmic Twin, NaturallyAlise

Blogger's Note:  Alise and I are swapping posts today.  You can see what I had to say on her blog Black Woman Lost and Found!  BTW, I am a fat kid.  Fat kids love cake.  I love Alise MORE than I love cake... do the math!


The internet can sometimes be a mysterious, murky, macabre, melancholy, muh-fugging mess of a place.  However, not with my internet crew.  We are a lovely bunch of coconuts, emphasis on nuts.  Let me tell you about one of my lovely unlikely kindred spirits who I am swapping blogs with today...  AMY!  She is the wasabi to my sushi, the ham to my burger, the spicy to my Thai (dang, Precious I'm Hongree!), the ho to my sh*t, the Ru to my Paul, and the Pooh to my Phonte.  The funny thing is for all the ways we seem like we would be opposite, we are eerily and spookily alike.

I jokingly call Amy my melanin-deficient twin sister.  Check out our kindred-spiritness:

My birthday is May 7th, hers May 6th...  we are 11 years and 1 day apart....  spooky right?

We both have an unhealthy obsession with Thai food.

We both have an unhealthy obsession with Erykah Badu.  She is the patron saint of awesomeness.  Recognize.

We love the exact same hip-hop, even down to the old school stuff.

Both our names start with A... we like vowels.

We both have "favorite words" that we like just because how they sound... for example some of my favorite words are: voucher, macabre unconscionable, ennui.....  yeah, I'm a nerd, don't judge me.

We both love us some husky black men...  we like something to hold on to!!!

Who'd of thunk white girl Amy from the cornfield in Illinois would hook up with black girl Afro Aficianado Alise in North Carolina and form an awesome and treasured friendship/kinship.  I love my Amy; her advice and ear have gotten me through a rough patch and I am so glad to call her sister. *Cue the violins*

*Exits stage left, dramatically faints*
(Last week Amy called me "Dramatic McThespian", lol)
--

~Naturally Alise~

Visit me at:http://blackwomanlost.blogspot.com
http://naturallyalise.blogspot.com