stop being so damn proud of yourself.......

found out that a lady i thought i really helped at work on sunday didn't make it. she started going downhill fast on sunday morning. we busted ass, got on top of things quick, and i thought, turned her around.

well, i was off on monday and tuesday. i found out today that she started getting really bad again monday, and by that evening, they were transferring her to another hospital for dialysis. but it didn't do enough to turn her around.

i'm racking my brains for anything i could have picked up on sooner that could have made a difference, but i'm pretty sure i did all i could have. still, she was really nice. and her family was great. this is the part of the job that sucks..... when you lose em, no matter what you do.

no wonder nurses drink!!! lol....

not your mama!!!!

now, all my friends and coworkers know this, but i feel the need to enlighten the random reader with this background info, purely in the interest of context.

i had a simply amazing mother. she died just about 5 years ago--Jan. 17, 2004. (oddly enuf, my boyfriend's birthday. . . . ) but when she was alive, and healthy, she was the queen of our family. there is no doubt of that. now, she and dad were married for 37 years when she died, and she took care of EVERYTHING!! house, bills, insurance, all that shit.....dad mowed the grass, went to work and handed over his paycheck. period.

i have a younger brother. he's zero for three in the marriage department. i love him coz he's my brother and i hafta, but he's a fathead. he likes harleys, beer and chicks. preferably all simultaneously.

mom took care of everyone's everything. then she died. now, the fathead and my dad think that I have some intentions of taking care of them like mom did. ummmm.......no. i'm not my mom. and i'm fasho not tryna be their mama!! here's where we go from the context to the meat n potatoes of this posting.

dad lives in the basement apartment of the house, and fathead is currently occupying my guestroom. fathead returns whenever he's between chicks. i let him come back because i'm secretly still afraid that my mom will retun to haunt me if i don't take care of her baby boy. meanwhile, i have my own six year old son, Eli, whose "daddy" has not seen since he was four weeks old. so, admittedly, i derive some benefit by my dad being in the same residence, and when sober and home, my brother has the potential to be an adequate backup babysitter.

but here's the bump in the road. these people honestly think i'm fittna clean up after their asses!!! they think imma work 12 hour shifts on a fairly busy medical unit (i'm a registered nurse), keep the bills paid and keep the house clean, schedules arranged, grocery shopping done, laundry washed, etc. weeeeeelllllllll......... they're only wrong. now, my mom did it. she did. she did hair 12 to 16 hours a day, 5 and 6 days a week, then turned around, made dinner, cleaned up, helped us with homework, bathed us, got us to bed, then stayed up til midnite or 1:00 in the morning doing laundry and housework, got up at 6:00 and did it all again. she was either a more dedicated woman than i will ever be or she was a martyr or just a sucka!! i choose to believe she was more dedicated, coz she's my moms and i love her. point is, tho, I AM NOT THAT!! she was a better person than i will ever be. i'm ok with that. honest.

and here's my logic: we are all adults. we all live in the same house. we all have jobs. we are all able to clean up the house. if we all do SOME of the housework, no one has to do ALL of the housework. i think the simplicity of the solution is elegant and beautiful. everyone does something, no one does everything.

but these clowns want a mama. well....... I AM NOT YOUR MAMA!!! (except for Eli, and I am his mama). therefore, although it is killing me, i am on strike. let this bitch pile up, let the pile fall around them and let them know, i am done. help me or live in it like you leave it. i am patient. i can outwait them. game on, boys.....

real talk, big girl 2 big girl

there are fools out there, and i don't know why, who make little girl clothes in big girl sizes. even more tragically, there are big girls out there who will inevitably buy and wear the damn things!!
now ladies, i am not saying that we don't all deserve to have and wear clothes that look cute and make us feel like we the ish.....but if there is one thing i know in this world it is the following: just because it exists in my size, does not mean i'm meant to wear it.

the following are just a few guidelines. it's all common sense and looking in the mirror.

1. what miss thang, a size 4, has on is not gonna look the same on you if you are a size 24. the fabric will not hang the same, the lines will not follow the same shape and if you are showing any portion of a fat roll, well, SHAME ON YOU!!

2. tight low rise jeans are for skinny girls with no hips or ass!! they look ridiculous on girls with curves and absolutely foolish on fat girls (yes, i said fat girls. i'm a fat girl, and chances are if you took offense to that you are, too.) it is time to confront and end the evil that is the muffin top!

3. tailored is fine, skin tight is unacceptable!!! i'm sorry, boo, but tight just does not work for us. the outline of every lump, bump, roll and bulge is unnecessary and just wrong, on so many levels and in soooooo many languages!! and, if i see it, i only will talk ish about you!! for real!!! i would expect you to do the same for me.....

4. please, my big girls, please, i'm sayin' please....wear a bra that keeps the girls in the right neighborhood!!!! a bad bra, bad business!!! if they are anywhere near your bellybutton, take yourself to the nearest store with quality intimate apparel and get fitted!!! a properly fitting bra does wonders for the way your clothes look on you and in the way you carry youself. your boobies do not belong on either side of your belly button.

5. the following specific items of clothing are absolutely to be avoided by large n lovelies: bicycle shorts, sports bras as "tops," miniskirts more that 4 inches above the knee, crop tops, tube tops, most halter tops and bikinis. and at the risk of being TOTALLY fukn obvious, skinny jeans are only for uber skinny girls!!!

6. avoid overcompensation. baggy, shapeless, oversized.....all this equals blob. don't fall into the trap.

7. classic is classic and timeless is timeless. clean lines, tailored fit and keepin it simple, all good starting points.

now, again, ladies, each and every one of us deserves to feel like a diva. each deserves to have clothes that fit them well and look cute and make you look in the mirror and say "DAYUM, i'm fly!!!" but just because the same outfit you saw on your thin, modely looking coworker comes in your size, well that doesn't mean it's for you. can and should are very different words. they are not synonyms and are not interchangeable. just coz you can wear it does not mean you should. take your time. try lots of things on. find an honest friend who will be only too glad to tell you when you are about to put yourself out there bad.

i work with a lot of different people from a lot of different walks of life. i see the good, bad and ugly every day. please, ladies, help me make the world a more beautiful, less hoochie and less wtf kinda place. remember, a little thought and effort goes a long way!!!

blessings to you all
peace
amymay